stephinatlanta's Journal

  A crescent moon hangs low in the autumn sky as I take an urban adventure on foot with my daughter and friends. They ride ahead of me on their scooters and skateboards and I realize I am watching her turn from a lovely child into a beautiful independent young woman. Time is so precious.I feel alive as the crisp air rushes into my lungs.

  What a difference a week makes. Last Saturday I woke up with a veil over my face.I tried to muster up anything positive but in the end, I only saw the darkness .I try to keep it at bay but I know that it is not far, just as the dusk is not far from the dawn. I do have the brightness of the daylight between the darkness while my daughter is here on her fall vacation.

  I fear an emptiness,  the ghosts of my past that haunt me, the skeletons of the emptiness I feel in my existence now and I wait for the courage to continue this battle raging inside me.I am weary and I would like an infusion of some life reaffirming signifigance. For now I will wait an watch the exuberance of the youth of my daughter and reach inside and try to find where my inner child has gone to.I fear I am autumn with my days getting shorter and the darkness of my soul taking on the dominence of the vast undefined universe.Perhaps the light of a full moon in the near future will shine a new light reflecting the glow of the hidden sun and shine a romantic reflection on the cold steel skyscrapers that loom in the forefront of my view.

My life is revolving like a revolving door and I am evolving into a life of the unknown. What can we do to prepare ourselves for the mysteries that life brings us?At first my world evolved very slowly . I was married, built a sucessful career and had an amazing daughter. I was settled and content in a small southern town with kind people and a family there to lend support.Piece by piece my life began to unravel and I have ended up on my own here in a big city where I find myself starting at the beginning even though I am at the middle of my life.

I have lost my parents , my cheering section and unconditional love.I divorced my husband of 22 years and left my career and  everything that was familar to me. I have moved to the big city and I have begun to make my own way as well as being diagnosed w/ bipolar all within the same year.The evolving of my life has picked up the pace and turned my head.Where I am going I do not know but I do know I will continue up the path that leads to the mountain peak where I can look down and see where I have been and be proud of what I have accomplished.

  It is a holiday weekend and I wake up early between 5 and 6 before the rest of the world starts it's days labors. I get to dallly in bed and feel the soft sheets  gently slide over my legs. It is still dark outside and for now,at this moment, all is right with the world.The rest of the world has it's eyes closed to the beauty of the sunrise and the hushed quiet but I am in awe of the beauty as if I was watching a picture show without having to pay for the show and w/o the popcorn. So before the eggs and bacon i,n the hush silence of my own little world ,I am annointed queen of my own little universe ,as I enjoy the decadence of an early morning sunrise from my comfy bed  before the rush of the day I must share w/ the rest of the world.