BetsMarie's Journal

I just seem to be pissing people off. I lost a few friends that I thought were really close to me. I really opened up to them about everything in my life and then when I finally get happy they treat me like crap and tear me down. They say I am the one that changed and I changed for the negative. Well many of my other friends think i changed for the positive. It just gets so frustrating. As if life weren't hard enough, I have to go on with these back and forth friendships. I hate it! I hate feeling like I am the one putting forth all of the effort in some of my friendships.  I am finally done with work for the week. I worked a 9 day stretch because I picked up a day and let me tell you, working 9 days at Wal-Mart can really frustrate a person, especially when some coworkers would rather just sit around and do things only half way correct. I feel like I work my ass off and have nothing to show for it. It just gets tough. I am burnt out and I start summer class on Monday. That will be fun! (Sense the sarcasm?!) I got in my first "fight" with my boyfriend. I apparently said some things that made him so mad that he just got up and left. I had no idea what I said to make him so mad. I thought we were having a good time just joking around and laughing with my roommate, then he suddenly said I think I will just go home and he left. I thought he was kidding. When I called him he said he was pissed off. I asked why and he just said he would talk to me tomorrow and hung up on me. Well I texted him a few times and then he called me. We ended up talking for quite a while and crying and talking and explaining and crying and apologizing. It was a good talk. I figure we will probably have it again when we are together next but I just felt so bad for saying stuff that made him that mad. I guess I didn't realize what I was doing. And now with this doctor crap. I just don't know what to do. I had just told my boyfriend the good news. I had another pap and my letter from the doctor was sent home and it said my test results were normal and everything was good. Well today when I was at work, I got a phone call from my doctor. The voicemail told me to call them back tomorrow to find out what the call was about. That is never a good sign. I just wish I wouldn't have gotten the letter and the phone call. It confuses me and that just puts more stress on me and that feeds the hpv. Not good! I think this 2 day break from work couldn't have come at a better time. I just need to get away and breathe. I am going to get really upset if this happens everytime I go in for my pap. If I get a letter and a phone call. And I just have this feeling they are going to say I need to go back in and have another check up. What they don't realize is that I live 3 and a half hours away. Not that easy for me to just up and go. Blah!