BetsMarie's Journal

You know, it is really funny how things work. This year has been quite a rollercoaster. Year started out great, was seeingthis great guy started dating him. Got to hang out with a lot of friends, school and work were going well, then it was like all hell broke free. Classes and homework started to pile up, I felt like I was falling behind in everything that I was doing, felt like my life had no point anymore. Around that time I was dumped. At first was fine with it, then felt like I was just used again until he could find someone better that was closer, then just said fuck it -this is stupid - now we are amazing friends. Before the becoming amazing friends though - when I was still hiding all of my thoughts from everyone, I was going through more crap with my HPV. I had just realized that it was going to be hard for me to ever find anyone because of it. Then I was in a car accident. My car rolled and I neded up being upside down. I walked away with bruises and scratches. I didn't understand why, I still don't know exactly why but I have things in my life now that make me believe that is why I am still here. I started seeing someone who was taken but I fell and I fell hard. My best friend was there to support me and help me through all the crap that went on with all that - trying to figure out if I should keep fighting for him, do I tell him about HPV, dealing with the fighting after telling him about HPV, etc. Now we are together and I am so happy that I found someone that cares that much about me. He actually told me he loves me. I know it is quick for that but I have never felt like this before and i love this feeling. I would be even better if I knew everything was good with my other friends. One is dealing with medical issues and basically fighting for life - she doesn't deserve this but as they say God gives things to people as he knows they can handle it. This is and will continue to make her a stronger person. She just has to believe in herself with that and everything else. Some of my other friends always seem to get themselves in situations that are not good for them. I just wish they would open up and talk to me. I tell them that all the time but no one ever does. I am happy but at the same time not because I know my friends aren't as happy as they should and could be. I have to get ready for work - more will be entered later I am sure as many more things have entered my head.