this pic is for u kris 618 …
this pic is for u kris 618
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my mom died.
complications with cancer
i dont care.
.... they didnt tell me...
my grandmother told me that i was speaking at the funeral...
.... and i asked whos...
then i found out.
its just the way my life goes =]
i ruined the funeral.
it was horrible.
i was respectful during the service.
sitting in the front row next to kris and my sister.
watching movies on my ipod
kris and me were laughing so hard!
(have you seen stepbrothers)
its funny... kris limewired it.
so...
everyone was giving us the looks...
...... so we decieded to entertain =]
we madeout in front of everyone for like ten minutes...
... IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SERVICE!!!!!!!!
hahahahaha
so it carries on to the cemetary
were they "lay her to rest"
My dad goes up to talk]
then my grandmother
then my sister.
: then....
guess
.... yea
i though i was going to give a funny speech...
something
light
when i started, i kinda zoned out...
she escaped and im still in the hell she helped put me in.
its unfair...
i snapped.
i said everything.
everyone knows everything.
everything that happened to me.
how she WASNT there for me
how she wanted me dead.
how she told me to shut up and cussed me out when i told her i was being molested.
how she kicked me out when i came out.
how she talked to me.
making me feel like shit, all the time.
being raised, told that im worthless
a mistake.
the only reason im alive is she couldnt afford an abortion.
she reminded me of that every day.
.....
i snapped and let it all out
kris had to carry me off "stage"
i collapsed
i was crying so hard...
and no one seemed to care.
my dad talked to me.
it wasnt good.... but he acknowledged my exsistance
kris says hes going to kill my dad
He said "I dont ever what to see your prostitute scum ass ever agin. Your dirt, a mistake. Nobody cares for you. You sould stop the attempts and just fucking kill yourself. Least that way you will have done something right"
then he spit in my face.
kris is going to kill him.
I hate my life.
I hate myself.
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Don't listen to that pathetic excuse of a father. Be glad your alive. You shouldn't have gone through such Hell but don't kill yourself. You're with Kris right now and you still have everyone on DS to give you support. You don't need to die. You are NOT a mistake and everyone here cares about you. You are living your life the way you want to and, to me, your doing it right. Just please stay alive.
CloudStrife
Oh please don'r listen to him. I am sorry about your mom. That is awful that you never got to resolve things with her. Kris sounds like a great person. Don't hate yourself. None of it is your fault. You deserved parents who care. They made the wrong choice not you they gave up the right to love you and have you in their life their loss. They let things happen to you that shouln't have happened. what you went through was never your fault. never think that. Your reaction at the funeral was pure emotions. You finally had the opportunity to let it out. Never be ashmaed of any true emotions you have. Please stay strong. HUGS!!!!!
staceyhtchns
i'm so sorry for your experience.. but at least you got some of it out, perhaps not at the right place... but for pain to subside there can be no perfect location to let it all out. don't hate your life.. don't hate yourself.. in that way you confirm their wrongness in thought, their inability to account. don't dispear.. live, survive, make a life for yourself... there is purpose for you if you want it...seek to create it.. if you survived this awful place, imagine how much easier the world will be for you .. the one you choose to create for yourself.. without these people. you hurt.. they'll never get it.. they can't.. don't expect them to.. at least out of their fowl actions.. came someone genuine and strong like you.. and that is something you were born with not something they gave you in heritance..
kaywifh
I agree. He failed you as a father, so don't let him have any control over you with his words. I know you can turn your life around and be happy. I had the same thoughts when I was your age, but I am still here. You are not a mistake. You are a wonderful person, and I know you will make a difference in this world.
evan173