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Just woke up and could NOT realize WHY in the world my computer clock and my wristwatch were 1 hour apart. Sat there puzzled for a good ten minutes wondering whether my computer needed updating or the batteries on my wristwatch needed replacing.
Then I realized it was daylight savings time, and that it is the first time in my life I've experienced this. I've lived overseas my whole life in countries where this does not happen and was not told in advance that today would be Daylight Savings time so it kind of scared me. BUt now I have it all figured out, thank goodness!
Then I realized it was daylight savings time, and that it is the first time in my life I've experienced this. I've lived overseas my whole life in countries where this does not happen and was not told in advance that today would be Daylight Savings time so it kind of scared me. BUt now I have it all figured out, thank goodness!
I just weighed myself. Again. Am 3 pounds heavier than I was last night from all that binging... was a complete pig with the blueberry muffins this morning... had a burger with fries for lunch and then we had Indian food and a movie tonight at the dorms for dinner and OMG I like so overdid it. 
Winter is coming so I'm gonna need my warmer clothes but I don't fit into them... I don't want to get new stuff cuz of money and plus it wouldn't fit into the tiny wardrobe here in the college dorms. I wish I would be able to enter the dorm cafeterias w/o even LOOKING yet alone TOUCHING or EATING doughnuts, fries, chocolate chip cookies, etc. This is absolutely ridiculous and must stop but I have no will, no motivation. Have kept food diaries, sought nutritionist help, tried weight loss pills... NONE of it works. I always seem to be fatigued and w/o any energy all the time, I go to bed when I'm tired and wake up early just so I can get my work done. And as a result, I'm even more tired, even more unhappy, and just continue binging my life away. Gotta hate it I must say... Wish I could be some 18 kilograms lighter, then life would be so much simpler. But alas, am worried what'll happen when I'm even heavier. THIS. MUST. STOP.
The questions are... how? when? can it stop? ever?
I feel so helpless and think so low of myself that I find greatest comfort with my greatest enemy - food.
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Had the most wonderful evening, even though I totally negleted a paper that's due tomorrow. However, all research done besides 2 pages of typing and shall wake up insanely early tomorrow morning to do it.
The evening?
The dorm building I'm in (well, I have an apartment in the dorms which is wicked but still) had an evening of music, TV, and jack-o-lantern carving in the basement and my suitmate (well, I don't share a room w/her so she isn't exactly my roomie) went down w/me cuz she never carved a Jack-O-Lantern before. We managed to grab the last pumpkin (it was really a first-come-first-serve thing) and I'm the artsy one in our apartment so I did the carving while she got the pumpkin seeds out (she loves seeds of all sorts). Had a bit of the trick-or-treat candy they had and one of our friends also popped by with her own pumpkin. Afterwards, my other suitmate saw the jack-o-lantern when we returned upstairs to the dorm and she loved it too. :D Then I took a nice, long bath and well... it feels AMAZING! Especially because today the weather suddenly turned cold.
Sorry about the rant (I know, it doesn't belong in this thread) but compared to my usually frantic life this was absolutely darling! I did binge a bit on the candy and felt ashamed for it but everything else made me SO happy, especially the bath. Maybe I should try having the bath before the binging next time and it'll help? I don't know. Either way, I feel like I'm in heaven... haven't felt this way since goodness knows when!
The evening?
The dorm building I'm in (well, I have an apartment in the dorms which is wicked but still) had an evening of music, TV, and jack-o-lantern carving in the basement and my suitmate (well, I don't share a room w/her so she isn't exactly my roomie) went down w/me cuz she never carved a Jack-O-Lantern before. We managed to grab the last pumpkin (it was really a first-come-first-serve thing) and I'm the artsy one in our apartment so I did the carving while she got the pumpkin seeds out (she loves seeds of all sorts). Had a bit of the trick-or-treat candy they had and one of our friends also popped by with her own pumpkin. Afterwards, my other suitmate saw the jack-o-lantern when we returned upstairs to the dorm and she loved it too. :D Then I took a nice, long bath and well... it feels AMAZING! Especially because today the weather suddenly turned cold.
Sorry about the rant (I know, it doesn't belong in this thread) but compared to my usually frantic life this was absolutely darling! I did binge a bit on the candy and felt ashamed for it but everything else made me SO happy, especially the bath. Maybe I should try having the bath before the binging next time and it'll help? I don't know. Either way, I feel like I'm in heaven... haven't felt this way since goodness knows when!
Past Entries
| October 2007 |
Wednesday, 10/24
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OMG I feel the exact same way. My life is going the exact same way. I wish i could stop, but I feel so helpless too.
Do you know why you binge? I only somewhat do and that is why i am seeing a therapist. I can't wait for this horrible thing (bingeing) in my life is over with. I want my life back. I also go to some support group meetings through my college and that seems help a bit.
I stocked up on cheap sweatshirts that are a little big on me and took some of my brothers so that no one can see how huge i am. I love winter because I can hide my belly. But what I do not look forward to is trying to resist holiday high calorie food.
College cafeterias are ridiculous. It is no wonder everyone gains weight in college. And with epidemic of obesity in the US, you would think the colleges would try and prevent it by giving actually healthy food.
Hang in there!!! I am trying too!!! Life is so hard. But hopefully we can make it through. Good luck!!
aquagurl