Can I really do this?
My husband, Charlie, and I visited his oncologist at H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in April. The cancer drug, …
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Well, we have hit the wall again. Charlie received news on April 15th that the metastatic tumors in the right side of his liver are growing and nothing can be done to cure him. The tumors are inoperable and they don't respond to chemo or radiation. There is however a new experimental chemotherapy regimen that has shown some success (Zeloda and Temador). Charlie has decided to try it. He'll be on the chemo for two weeks and then off the chemo for two weeks. We'll go back to Moffitt June 3rd to do blood work and follow up with the oncologist.
We are pretty devastated here and not sure what to say to anyone.
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no chemo i get to take a pill that …
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My husband, Charlie, and I visited his oncologist at H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in April. The cancer drug, Sandostatin, is no longer working and Charlie's tumors in his liver are growing. The oncologist said at this point the tumors are inoperable (too diffuse) and incurable.
He said that we could buy some time, if Charlie wanted to try an experimental chemotherapy regimen. Charlie agreed. Its two weeks of Zeloda and five days of Temador. Then he is off the chemo for two weeks. He would not give us a prognosis.
This has been a two year battle and sometimes I have felt like we had the bull by the horn and we were going to beat this. Now I feel like my world is falling apart and there isn't anything else I can do. No more research, no more doctors or hospitals. We are nearing the end. Charlie wants me to start thinking about my future without him. I cannot even begin to fathom this. We have been together 29 years. How do I even begin to picture a life without him. I told him I am not ready.
Charlie and I are really struggling with this. It has been difficult to try to come to some sort of acceptance of the situation while remaining optimistic and hopeful
Each night I sit outside drinking a cup of coffee and I feel myself losing it. A little piece of serenity and peace is chipped away each day. My blood pressure is really high and I have started to have anxiety attacks. Last night I just wanted to give up. I wanted to throw my hands up and tell my husband I just cant do this anymore. This morning I am grateful I didn't say anything to him. He would have been devastated. I am his rock.
Just the coordination of his medical care can be overwhelming at times never mind trying to prepare for my future alone.
I just don't know how people get through this without completely losing it. I have 19 years sobriety, I worked a good program, and I have a very strong faith in a higher power. I have a wonderful support system. None of this however seems enough.
Tavavilla