"Life only demands from you …
"Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible - not to have run …
Join Now
As I sit on the deck of the beach house I rented this week and sit alone drinking my chardonnay and watching the waves of the surf, I realize I am working very hard at healing and letting go of the past. I am not really actively dating (which doesn't mean others haven't asked me out they have) but I am ACTIVELY HEALING.
Healing is important for me. One guy I did go out with 2 weeks ago all he did was bad mouth his ex, bad mouth his ex GF and I listened to him and in my head I found myself saying to myself "I do not want to go through the rest of my life crying the blues about my failed marriage.". No I choose to heal, close that chapter of my life and move on.
My ex and I are having ok conversations and while I have still find myself upset several times after speaking to him I am finding that I have no ill will feelings towards him. I still care for him, I worry about his health and his ability to take care of himself and I have learned from his sister that his GF might be battling some form of cancer. I wish this woman no ill will and hope all turns out ok. Don't get me wrong the 3 of us will never really associate with one another but I am choosing to let go.
I had a great time the past couple of days with Holly and Che2 rafting. I am looking forward to hanging with some family and DS friends at the beach and I am looking forward to a whole new me and a whole new future.
I have put some bucks out and hired a life success consultant. I have been participating for several months with a book club and really like what this guy is teaching. It is teaching me a whole new paradigm about myself looking at who I am what I want to achieve in life and I see it really helping me shape my new image.
This image is on the inside the way we view ourselves. I know I am talented kind smart gentle loving caring and have been told I am pretty too but I have to say that I am not happy with the way I held on so long in a marriage that my ex left along time ago. I am slowly teaching myself that I DO HAVE SELF WORTH.
All I can say now is I feel closer to healing and I am so excited to be growing and learning and I am using this alone time to analyze myself understand who I am and what I want out of life.
Healing is important for me. One guy I did go out with 2 weeks ago all he did was bad mouth his ex, bad mouth his ex GF and I listened to him and in my head I found myself saying to myself "I do not want to go through the rest of my life crying the blues about my failed marriage.". No I choose to heal, close that chapter of my life and move on.
My ex and I are having ok conversations and while I have still find myself upset several times after speaking to him I am finding that I have no ill will feelings towards him. I still care for him, I worry about his health and his ability to take care of himself and I have learned from his sister that his GF might be battling some form of cancer. I wish this woman no ill will and hope all turns out ok. Don't get me wrong the 3 of us will never really associate with one another but I am choosing to let go.
I had a great time the past couple of days with Holly and Che2 rafting. I am looking forward to hanging with some family and DS friends at the beach and I am looking forward to a whole new me and a whole new future.
I have put some bucks out and hired a life success consultant. I have been participating for several months with a book club and really like what this guy is teaching. It is teaching me a whole new paradigm about myself looking at who I am what I want to achieve in life and I see it really helping me shape my new image.
This image is on the inside the way we view ourselves. I know I am talented kind smart gentle loving caring and have been told I am pretty too but I have to say that I am not happy with the way I held on so long in a marriage that my ex left along time ago. I am slowly teaching myself that I DO HAVE SELF WORTH.
All I can say now is I feel closer to healing and I am so excited to be growing and learning and I am using this alone time to analyze myself understand who I am and what I want out of life.
Comments
You might also like ...
My Walk and thoughts for Today
I was talking with someone on POF that shared his getting up early, riding his motorcycle down to the beach and dipping …
Hell how do I let people know what …
Hell how do I let people know what emotion I am when there is no emoticon that shows how I feel? I'm happy …
I am so proud and pleased to read this entry - not just because of what it says about you now, but because of what it represents in terms of the journey you have taken. This kind of self-awareness and warm embrace of deep change is not an easy step to take at any point in life... but in so many ways, I feel that maybe this is exactly why we have reached this point in our lives in the first place. Many hugs to you this evening!
riverwalker
The trip was great and this is the PERFECT time for you to have some downtime and regroup. ANY time and/or money that we spend on ourselves is worth it. You gave to him for a long time and it's your turn. There is greatness in your future...and YOU rock woman !!!!!
Have a great time at the beach :)
Che2
I am so glad to hear such a positive entry. YOu sound like you are moving along fine and have a great future ahead of you.
We all have put ourselves in positions going through our divorced where we hung onto something that was not there. We all have to regain our self worth when our life comes crumbling down around us. And you have sure done a great job moving forward with that. You rock!
kinoka
You sound like you are really moving forward. Wish I could say the same. But I am so happy for you. Miss not seeing you. It has been a while.
Njoy03
Chris, what a lovely, positive journal entry. The rafting get together sounds like a blast, and the life coach makes incredible sense. Good for you. Rob.
proudpops