ROB2211's Journal

I wrote my ex another e-mail.  It is a long story.  When I got back to work last night, the general manager at the hotel I work at was fired that morning and I guess it kinda set me off a little.  I was like, "I know it probably won't mean much, but I am deeply sorry.  I guess I was having a really bad morning when I typed this.  I let my feelings get the best of me and I hurt you with everything I said.  I e-mailed my psychologist the e-mails.  I am hoping he can give me some pointers and tips.  I go through my ups and downs.  When I went into the hospital, I thought the separation was a temporary thing and that I would work on me and their might be a chance at us.  My last days in the hospital and our conversations, I realized it was actually over.  I was doing good.  While I was at my parents, I took a step backwards.  My parents would say something and I would come to your defense.  Sorry, but I miss the old times.  I guess my e-mails were a way at lashing out.  I know they hurt you and I am sorry.  I never meant to harm you in anyway.  I won't e-mail you anymore, unless it is about the boys, I promise.  I hope eventually you can forgive me and we can be friends.  I really do want the best for you.  I really mean it."  I was in the wrong frame of mind.  I should wonderfully step back, relax, give her her space, and not bother her.  I was just feeling lost and confused.  I hope she can forgive me eventually.  I know that what I said will probably not be forgotten.  Although we are separated and soon-to-be divorced, she really is a very special woman that I will never forget or be able to replace.