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Yesterday was Christmas and we had a wonderful day. My son came home and we went and had dinner at my daughters new apartment. It was a nice time and Jenn and her boyfriend were so excited having guest for dinner.
The reason for the title of my story is. When Bruce was alive we would go to Cape Breton almost every summer and he would take me out to try and find bald eagles. We would mostly see hawks but a couple of times we would see some eagles.Well now every time I see a hawk I think its Bruce. I dont see them often,but I see them every time there is an event he should be at. There was one flying above us when we spread his ashes in cape breton,there was one when we spread his ashes at Mt.Wachusette where he liked to go skiing. There was one following me on the first time I drove to his moms house alone after he died. I was crying the whole drive because he should have been in the car with me and low and behold there he was flying above me. There was one flying at my daughters the day we moved her in. And you guessed it there was one flying above yesterday for christmas. I was so excited saying oh my god theres Bruce. I think my son thought I lost my mind. He doesnt know I think Bruce is a hawk that shows up just when I need him to. My brother briefly explained it to him as they all rolled their eyes. I dont care if they think I'm nuts. I know its Bruce,why else would he show up just when I need him to. It makes me feel protected and loved.
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My daughter got engaged last night. She's very excited,I'm happy for her but her boyfriend isnt my first choice for her. But as long as she's happy thats what matters. Plus the way I look at it its another thing to keep my spirits high and thoughts of my lonliness on the back burner. She's not getting married until 6/2010, so we have some planning to do,but some time to do it. She wants to get married in my back yard so that can be tricky with the weather but I'm not going to worry about that now.Happy thoughts only.
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Lori, This can be a very good time for you. Iy will keep you very busy and happu working with her to make her wedding day possible.I hope the it does not make you flash back to your happiier times too much in a sad way. I hope that it just helps you to remember the fun and bright times with Bruce. I think this can be a good and a healing experience for you. It will be a good time to spemd with familu. You are going to be a womderful help to her to make the day a spcial for her. I wish you all the best. Love,Peggy
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What wonderful news...Congrats & you do have plenty of time to plan but I am sure it will go a whole lot faster than you think...Hugs, Ann
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Something to keep your mind busy**is a good thing..Also it is far enough away for her to know if it is the right choice..Congratulation to you both!!
I dont want to sound like I'm whining but sometimes life is just so hard. I know there are so many people out there that are worse off than me but I am so sick of struggling and just barely keeping my head above water. I was a single mom for 10 yrs before I met Bruce and my ex still owes 15,000 in child support so those yrs were not easy ones. Bruce was my night in shining armour. Life was fun again. And easier. Now I've lost him,lost my job,lost my fun and the ease of sharing lifes struggles with someone else. I know I should feel grateful that I have found work agian but I am only making minimum wage and can barely pay the bills. My daughter just moved out so I'm thinking of taking in a border to help share the cost of the household bills. Its a little scarey though so I'm gonna try it alone for a while. We'll see how things go. Well thanks for letting me vent and get some of this crap off my chest. Luv to all.
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You are cute - "have some cheese with that whine." We need to vent, and you have every right to do that - otherwise we keep it stuffed (and not Thanksgiving) inside. I'm right where you are now so I understand. Love, Sue
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You are NOT whining, it is what you are feeling. I thought to myself the other day, that there are people out there who have lost their young children, whom have lost their homes, I thought of all the reasons why I should handle my loss better because there are worse off people out there, but then I realized, that no matter what it is OUR loss. How can OUR loss be any easier??? The financial situation out there only makes it harder for us. I cannot believe the price of food. I just had to get a new oil tank, Ugh!!!. Be careful if you have someone move in with you. There has to be some agency out there that checks into roomates. BE CAREFUL!!! If you could find someone, maybe it would be good to have company in the house. Just a thought. Hugs to you and wishes for better times ahead. Alice
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You are not a whiner. You have been very brave under the wosrt of conditions. Just be careful taking in a border. That can be dangerous. Not just that they might hurt you, but their are thiefs, and bad people that act perfectly normal. Please make sure it is someone you know well, or that someone you trust know real well. I do not think you should put an add in the paper. That is just telling the perverts that you are alone now! Look through your realatives and friends. Love Peggy
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Let them think your nuts, only YOU knows the real truth. So happy, I believe he is following you around, spreading his wings to protect you. Hugs, Alice
alicea
Lori, You seem to have reached a good place in your journey through grief. I know it will never be completly gone, but you sure have come to an understanding.I pray that I can someday reach a place as far into healing as you seem to have reached. I am glad you spend time with your son and your daughter. You seem to have made Christmas back into a Holiday od happiness again, and yet Bruce is still with you and still watching over you. I am glad for you. I will try to use you for a posotive example. Thank you Love Peggy
grndmudder
Lori...i TOO have had "signs" of Pat being near me at those important times....i don't think you're nuts...far from it..!! You let them roll their eyes....WE know what it's all about.....
stay strong...I am still here for you...
love, Jeanne
WoobiesJeanne