Mothership01's Journal

Dear Journal,

 Definitely feeling insecure, the closer my 13 week ultrasound and genetic screening comes.  It's Friday morning at 8am.  I keep feeling like they will check and the sac will be empty, or they'll find out the baby is younger than they though...all kinds of horrors.  I read about a girl on here who's baby was born the the cord around her throat three times.  And nobody caught that BEFORE the baby was born.  I'm so scared right now, and wish it was Thursday instead of Wednesday.  My  hubby thinks I'm crazy.  I want to call my mom, but I don't want to get her all worried.  I think I got my worrying from her. ~sigh~ On top of everything else, the nausea is still here (and baby is 13 weeks on Friday) and I keep having weird dreams. This one involved a talking budgie that turned in all the other budgies and I ate them. Ewww! And this nasty little thing tried to justify it's actions!  I don't own a budgie, haven't watched any programming with budgies...annoying bizarre dreams!  And I keep having the same theme in my dreams that I'm travelling, or I've mixed up my courses in school (I've been out of college for 6 or 7 years now) and in the travelling, I'm constantly getting lost and trying to get home or to a destination.  It's bizarre.  A little annoying too, because I always wake up feeling less than rested.  So, I guess this is my rant entry.  The good news is, my boss finally turned the heat on at work, and my little space heater at my feet has made a huge difference.  When all the fear of this ultrasound is passed, I have one more week until I can tell all my friends and family about the baby.  I just have to survive the next day and a half, approximately.  Definitely not sleeping peacefully at night these days. I keep sleeping on my back and right side because my left starts to hurt if I try to sleep on it all the time.  And my hubby is always on the left, so I run out of room. I could switch sides, but then I know I'll just end up being nearly pushed out of the bed.  There is hardly enough hot water for two people, let alone 5 in our tenant house, and it always seems to get used up before I get there so I take very tepid showers.  The windows are partially open to let in fresh air, but it's making the apartment chilly.  Can't open the vents because of stupid smoker upstairs.  Okay, that's enough from me for now. I'm just depressing myself.