MDP's Journal

My life is a mess. I can't seem to get my self to get up and try anymore.  I started thinking about how I was feeling, and asked myself where are these feelings coming from.  I am tring to find the root of my feelings so I can deal my feelings.

I feel that nothing in my life is going right, and I am getting older and I feel like there is no time to fix things.  I can't sleep at night because I am thinking about things and how time is going by and what is the best road to take at this point in my life, and panic sets in.  I am in a bad marrage and I feel like I can't escape it.  I need to be able to support myself.  I think education would help me find a good job to make enough money to live on.  One thing that gets in the way with getting more education is my problem with depression.   I have been tring to take a class here and their and gain some momentum and feel like there is hope.  My husband tries to make it hard on me and won't let me study.  I strugle at things anyway and I don't need someone working aganist me.  I need a good uplifting and wise person in my life to be there for me.  Everything in my life is so toxic, (family, friends, and husband).  It seems that no matter how hard I try I can't seem to make the right decisions in my life.  If I choose a path to follow you can be sure it is the wrong one.  I get scared when I have to make a decision about things that will effect my life.  I feel like such a failure.  I just want a succussful plan that I can

follow, and get out from under this unhappy marrage.  I just want to be able to support myself and have a happy life.