MartinsMom's Journal

This is Martin 3 years ago today.  I would do anything to have this happy and talented kid back on this earth.  In the last 3 years since Martin died I think every single day that my life will be easier and this pain will just go away..  Why is it that I still look at his pictures and I cry.  Sometimes I smile but most of the time I just think where are you and why did God take you so young and so full of life.  I have this play on tape  but I can't watch it because it makes me miss you more.

Martin there are alot of things I need your help with right now and you know what they are so please help me with all that we need to do.  I love you Martin with all my heart.  One thing I did promise myself is that as of today July 1st I will try to see a to having a life again now matter how hard it is I must go on.  I must be there for your sisters. I need to be nicer to Andy he loved you also even if he was only your stepdad I have been so mean lately mainly because of the same old things but he is a good man and has put up with me for 13 years but this has been so hard on our relationship because sometimes I think he forgets how much  I need him but other people in his family think they need him more and he is not allowed to give me the attention I need and you know who I mean.  God only knows I love this man and what keeps me going is that you loved Andy and no matter what you said Mom leave him alone he can't help the way his ex raises his boys.   Next year your 2 sisters will graduate college and grad school and I know they will make you proud.  And your little sister Sam is going to 6th grade.  The grade you were in after she was born.  Martin there are alot of good things about to happen in your memory and I need your spiritual energy to work overtime here so they will come true and your memory will be blessed even more.