ryt73's Journal

Journal Entry for December 11, 2007 Mood

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

OVERWHELMED, maybe this is my answer to the years I have been suffering. what if thats the culprit, LYME? all these years , all the depression, pain , anxiety, financial troubles, all of it, LYME. when it comes down to it , it can all be traced to it if thats what I have. I talked to the doctor at Igenex in calif and he said that I have all the syptoms of LYME. wow, a whole year off of work, a whole year of hiding from the world. a whole year of terrible unexplainable pain,LYME. a whole year of some people thinking that I was possibly faking because there was no answers yet, yes even my mom. a whole year and more of everyone suffering around me because I had drifted into this hole I couldnt climb out, LYME! a whole year of me feeling like I was worthless, hopeless, and thinking about suicide at desperate times, LYME. a year of me giving up on the goals I had planned for myself because of LYME. today I just went to town learning all I could about it and wondering if this might be it. I am not one to rush to judgement fast. gena has thought about this much longer but since I was tested for it already , I thought no way, wrong! turns out that only a few places in our country do the proper thorough testing for the disease and the other self proclaimed lyme experts are not so as they claim to be. although this is only speculation at this point, its all I have now. this may be my way out, although slow, its an answer, something to work for, a direction. just those thoughts alone give me such great hope that one day I may be the old or close to the old me, maybe!! I have been in terrible pain since saturday now and it is just draining and demoralizing. maybe one day there will be an answer and a solution for what i have, It all makes sense. everyone of my symptoms are right there in the list of lyme disease. so today I finish this with hope and a new possible direction to take me, I just hope this is the right direction, I cant do it much longer, not knowing..