keepsmiling's Journal

Journal Entry for May 20, 2008 Mood

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I'm somewhere between orange and yellow today. Orange because of feeling overwhelmed and not able to get anything done, and yellow because I was much less drowsy today at work. I still came home and ended up taking a 3 hour nap, but I felt good that I finally got through a day of work without falling asleep in front of the computer and I was much more productive. I'm hoping the rest of the work week will continue like this so that I can quickly get myself back up to speed. I'm wondering if the wellbutrin is helping to counteract the drowsiness. If so, that's definitely a good thing. This is my 4th day on it now in addition to the zoloft which I have been on for 2 months now. I was afraid the wellbutrin would make me more anxious, but so far, so good. However, I find myself feeling numb a lot of times, and unmotivated, and that constant 'what's the point feeling' when I do try to tackle a project. When I am at home, all I wanna do is stay curled up in the safety of my bed. Either that or in front of the computer. What is wrong with me that I can't get out of this rut?

I swear I used to not be this way. I've always had anxiety, but there was a time when I was doing so much more and had everything in perfect order and had so much more discipline. Now my life feels like a complete train wreck.

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Comments

I'm so sorry sweetie, I'm way stuck in that rut! You will get out of this though, gosh you are functioning on a much higher level than you think I know it's not exactly where you want to be and aren't there RIGHT NOW... GIVE YOURSELF TIME AND TRY NOT TO GIVE YOURSELF A HARD TIME. I spotted the word perfect in there and I thing you are a fellow perfectionist which makes things so much harder for us to move forward I think?!?!?! Love & Hugs Vx

vod
I am trying not to be a perfectionist, too. I never thought I was one until I started reading my self help books. I also used to think I was an optimist, but turns out I'm a pessimist. Funny the things you learn about yourself. Just do what you have to for you to feel good about yourself. Don't create expectations for yourself that you think other people have for you. Lazy and unmotivated isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially when you're still getting out and working all day.

I'm like you, though. There was a time not too long ago that I thought I had everything going right. Problem is when you spend so much time having everything going right, some people reach their limit and crash. I think that's what happened to me. I think this was a hefty warning sign to readjust my priorities.

milopants