keepsmiling's Journal

Saw my therapist today.  Boy the hour with her goes by so quickly!!  I really like her.  She's such a sweetheart and I get along with her as if she was a good friend of mine.  She's very caring and understanding, has a nice smile and sense of humor etc.  She's now officially a clinical psychologist.  I found out that she just graduated on Saturday.  I'm very proud of her.  One thing I will say about my life...as tough as it's been in many regards, especially dealing with anxiety and hearing impairments, and family issues and my other gazillion stresses, I've been blessed with two wonderful counselors.  Christie from Mass Rehab, and now Deb, my therapist.  I truly believe that God led me to them.  As for the nurse....wellll... I don't care for her so much but I'm willing to give her another chance or two.   I see her again on Monday.  Hopefully I'll get some new scripts, and I'll ask her about the frequent drowsiness I've been feeling.

On Sunday I'm planning to go the the Yankee Candle Flagship Store in South Deerfield, MA.  I'm going with just my sis-in-law.  This should be very interesting.   I've never done anything with just Gerri (my sis-in-law).  We're not really that close.  We tolerate each other but are not really buddies and there's not much warmth between us.  She comes across as cold and standoffish.  Most people who have met her have gotten the same impression.  She and my brother have been married for almost 19 years now!  They are currently having a LOT of marriage problems and gerri has been dealing with a lot of rage and depression thes past two or three years.  Whenever we see each other in person, we hardly ever say anything to each other.  Sometimes not even 'hello'.   But lately we've been chatting on the IM more often and we'll get into some pretty open and deep conversations.  Or sometimes we'll just goof off and I'll make her laugh a lot.  I think we've both surprised each other with our IM interactions.   I think we both feel safer talking on the IM. Anyhow, I'm going to be daring and go to the Yankee candle store with just her.  I wonder how we'll do together without other family members hanging around or the kids either.  I'm hoping it will be a good thing for us.   Also, I have GOT to make myself go out and do more.  I'm a little afraid that I'll be in a depressed mood that day, but I'm going to do my best.  Besides, it should be fun looking at all the different candles and gifts they have.  I think Yankee candles are way over priced, but Gerri sent me a coupon- buy two Yankee Candles (the large Housewarmer Size) and get one free.  There's a scent called Vanilla Lime that I really like and will be looking for that one.  I asked Pete, my BF, if he might like anything (he enjoys burning scented candles too), and he seemed interesed.  He likes Honeydew Melon or Home Sweet Home.   He's like me though in that we both prefer soy candles better than the yankee candles.  I'm particularly fond of BeanPod brand of soy candles.  A couple of years ago for my birthday he gave me a BeanPod candle called Herbes of Essence.  I totally LOVE it!  Unfortunately, Beanpod can be overpriced as well.  I try to get my soy candles from ebay.  That's where I can get the best deals from.

Speaking of Birthdays...tomorrow is mine!!  Yikes!!  It crept up on me so fast.  I was born in Washington D.C. in the afternoon.  It was an induced labor.  We lived in Maryland for a short while when I was an infant and then moved to Germany until I was 5.  Now here I am, stuck in Massachusetts, hoping to move out of here within the next year or two.   I don't understand where time goes sometimes.  How did I get to be 31 already???  I still hadn't even gotten used to the idea that I was 30.  I feel like I should be more like 23 or 24.  I feel like such a late bloomer in many ways.  I still live with my parents.  I don't have my own car.  I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for a career.  But first and foremost i'm trying to get control over my anxiety problems, something I should've done a loooong time ago, but better late than never, right?

The lilacs are coming into bloom now     This brings me joy.  I love the beautiful purple color and the gorgeous fragrance.  Tomorrow I am going to wear a dress to work.  It's friday, my birthday, and even though I'm not crazy about my age, it's still my special day so I wanna do something to help me to feel good about myself.