nic1014's Journal

This all started in July. I was helping my husband look for his SS card. I found a business card in the wallet. Looked kind of bizarre so I asked about it.(let me just say, I have never snooped or checked on him just helping find what he was looking for) anyway, he told me the card was for a vendor who sells clothing to schools. He works in athletics in a school and deals with these vendors all the time, so not a question.  A week later the phone rang at our house at about 8 pm when I looked at the caller id I saw that it was the same name as on the card I saw a week earlier. When I picked up, they hung up. I asked why they would call and why hang up. He gave a very convincing the school was doing work with them and they probably realized that they were calling his home last minute, felt bad and hung up. I, as always believed. Something was not sitting right that night though. At about 2:30am I quietly woke up and went to his car and checked his cell phone. There was a message (never have I done this before) I listened and it was a girl "hey its me, I am so sorry that I called your house, I saw your name on caller id and hit the button not realizing it was your house. I hope this doesnt ruin everything." is what the voice said. I went upstairs like a maniac. Flipped on the light and started."who is she...." In about 5 minutes he came up with this story that she was a vendor as he said, he saw her at a conference and that they had an encounter about 15 years earlier in college that ended badly. They have been talking a bit and she is going through a rough time in her life and partly blames him for how her life has turned out and he was trying to make it right and did not think that I would understand. Guess what I believed this story, I didnt like it and told him that he should end the conversations.  Well he said he would. I told him that I wanted us to talk with a councelor and he agreed to. We went and he told the same story he told me, straight faced and lied to this guy. Meanwhile I was gathering old cell phone bills and because I believe everyone and never once checked my bills, just paid them saw that they have been talking for a year anywhere from 5 to 21 times a day.  Ok now things seemed fishy. He swares on even our children that it is talking and NOTHING else. The next month is rough. I started realizing some other fishy things from the past year and started questioning him, he would get so angry and told me that he is done talking about it. That he said he  would not talk w/her anymore and that was that. Well that was not that. Insted he hid her # under a different name and kept talking to her, again he told me that she was going through a really hard time in her life and he was just a friend. AGAIN I believed. I had enough and called her one night, she told me that I should talk w/him. The next day she called me when I was out and he was at work. I called when I got home and she told me that my husband has not been honest w/me. That they have been having an affair for over a year. I found out that she had been to California with him, Atlantic City, that he left many family and friend functions that he was at with me and our two boys to go see her.  She went on and gave more details than I really wanted to hear from her. Finding out from her and not him was hard enough.  We talked about 20 minutes.  I then called and left a message for my husband to call home ASAP. When he did call I told him not to come home and that I never wanted to see him again. I was obviously mad, hurt..... beyond belief. He came home and it was about 2 days of him crying and pleading and me well about 1 month of crying, not sleeping, losing about 20 pounds, tons and tons of questions for him, ignoring my kids, secretly gpsing his cell phone. He promised that it was over. That he wanted to be with me and our family. I gave him several opportunities to go be with her if that is what he wanted . He insists that home with our family is where he wants to be.  Well about a month after getting the blowing news about the affair. I was able to obtain some records that show that they have still been talking although there is no evidence of them seeing each other, they have definately been talking. I again flew off the handle telling him that he has just kicked me while I was down. He told me that he is trying to smooth things over because he is afraid that she is going to send documents to his employer of there affair and expose his imaculate reputation.  He said that he told her that that was it. I guess she called and said "I guess we will never talk again" He swares that that has been the last communication and still insists he wants to be home with us. I just don't know if I believe anything he says anymore.  I want to so badly. I want to make this work. I just don't know when it will all start coming together.

nic1014