Goal Completed on Jun 27, 08
Shamedtothecore’s Profile
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Shamedtothecore
is feeling OK
intent on finishing the book
Recently: 10 hugs received, 9 hugs given more …
About Me
I have to keep a positive outlook. I have to choose my words and even my thoughts. This is how I will heal myself.
Interests
Drawing, Painting, Reading, Writing, Dancing, Swimming Good friends, satisfying inter-personal relationships and the space to be
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Hugbook
Flower
Hi darlin.I doodle and I like to write but i dont think i am good at either .I welcome you as a friend.I love your drawings .........hugs
Hug
May God bless you today my dear friend!
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Hug
heheh i do live right by the sea. There are ghettos near the beach here in Hawaii :) But our ghettos are really that bad :)
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Hug
Hello dear friend. I hope that you`re feeling better today?
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Prayer
God bless you my dear friend. My prayers are always with you.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Anxiety
I have finally identified my problem. I feel shame about myself as if I am flawed and defective as a human being--and I know this is not at all true but it is what I feel and also it is what I learned from my parents who felt the need to control me to the extent that I had no feelings or my feelings or choices were not important. Then there was the covert sexual abuse and the yelling and screaming at me every single day. I need someone to talk to about this.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- side effects
- Breathing Exercises Somewhat Helpful
- not bad
- Doxepin Working / Worked
- good for sleeping in --now on low dose
- Melatonin Too Soon to Tell
Close Family Issues
I have huge issues with my parents. They were the ones who shamed me to the core. They made me feel like there was something wrong with me. This feeling is still with me and I want it out NOW. They negated my feelings, ideas and choices. They forced me to comply with their wishes. They abused me emotionally and sexually & then threw me out of the house when they were done. Now, they pretend that nothing ever happened. I hate them but as with every child there's the hurt that wants resolution.
Treatments
- Writing Working / Worked
- I did this especially when I was young. My parents found my journals and threw them out. I cannot believe that they did that.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
I have post tramatic stress from an abusive relationship where the perpetrator shamed me like my parents had done. As a result, I could not sleep for a month solid at one point. Till this day (16 years later) I still experience problems sleeping when I feel stressed--like on the job or forming new relationships. I am very angry at my parents and this man for what they did, especially my parents. I wish I could be free of feelings of shame, not feeling good enough. I want to change.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- great, but am a bit perfectionistic
Open Sexual Abuse
I experienced a sort of covert sexual abuse. I discovered my father had all these semi-nude photos of me as a toddler--hundreds of them--none for my brother at the same age. Later in my teens, he used to lie on the couch across from me as we watched TV, he would put his hand down his pants and sort of move it around. My mother was positioned in a chair where she could not see what was going on. My father's behaviour acitivated my mother's jealousy issues and she raged against me constantly.
Treatments
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
Emotionally abused by narcissistic mother who did not see me as a person but as an extension of herself. She yelled and screamed at me constantly--whenever I would express my self. As a result of this abuse, I have an intense fear of rejection as I was rejected by my own mother.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- Leave Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Shyness
I have a fear of people because my mother rejcted me.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Self-help Working / Worked
Open Depression
Mostly I have anxiety, but lately I've been feeling depressed. It's an old friend. Have been there before. My problem is I avoid life quite a bit and so I don't have many friends. I feel lonely because of this and it makes me depressed to be alone all the time. I'm too afraid of people. I figure they will all hurt me like my mother did. I'm 52. What a laugh. You think I could get over it, but it just hangs on. Especially I would like a man or good companion. I hope I find a good companion soon.
Treatments
- Writing Working / Worked
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Snapshot
Recently …
- 9 hugs given
- 10 hugs received
- 8 journal posts
- 8 journal comments
