Athenean's Journal

I have been very ‘good’ the past 2 weeks; yes, my relationship has been flourishing. I am about to have what I call a BP moment. I could recognize it yesterday and slightly the day before. I was not interested in playing nice anymore. *sob…

I am depressed & angry for no reason and cannot do anything about it. Have no pills to make it go away. I don’t want to be this way! Just when things were going good this happens!! He was happy and now here we go again. I just quit smoking and I got one good case of the fuck its.  Even my therapist made comments to my negativity. You know I blame it on the fact she doesn’t really know me and that I can be a bitch.

Another thing happening is, I feel weird inside sometimes heart pulsating, my head pulsating & hazy, and at times I can’t see straight then my hands or legs may jerk. Sometimes I may have a mini seizure that scares me because I wonder what I am doing wrong to make me stress out so bad to have one or if the next one will be a grandma.

I am on seizure, BP meds, and vitamins. I don’t know if it is too much vitamins. I haven’t had a seizure in a while since I started extra multi-vitamins, I wouldn’t think they would hurt me but & I was doing so well I just don’t get it. WTF is going on.

Maybe I am writing this backwards because this could be a direct result of either one. I don’t know I am worn right out! I only pray that my relationship does not suffer from any of this.