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AnAddictionAdored’s Profile

  • Image of AnAddictionAdored

    About Me

    I like to say "Just" and "I don't know" to bulk up my sentences. I like to say "But" to make excuses for my behaviour and make me hate myself less. I love to say sorry, but others (Esp. my B/F) get sick of it. I bake and i make all my family and friends fat... They hate it. I'm random, usually pretty untalkative and seem distant a large percent of the time. I'm depressed and i can't shake these fantasies of suicide. There's two in particular right now that i just can't seem to get rid of.

    Interests

    Baking, Psychological Disorders, Nora Roberts (The author), Listening to Music, Watching TV, Chatting Online with my various group sites. ... Suicide(As depressing as that sounds).

  • Recent Activity

    Today

    Thursday

  • Journal

    • High

      Mood July 6, 2008 12:33am

      ... But never high enough.I am taking Lorazepam for anxiety, but i'm only on a low dose.

      I keep talking it whenever i want just to try and feel …

    • General Update

      Mood July 3, 2008 6:00am

      I purged.... And you know what the weird thing is?I feel fucking fantastic.I feel so relieved... so calm.All i want to do is lay down with a bottle …

    • Come on baby, don't fear the reaper...

      Mood July 3, 2008 5:52am

      Hands out stretched.Fingers quivering in the icy air as it passes through them.My toes curl over the edge of the barrier, sheer balance keeping me …

    • :)

      Mood July 2, 2008 3:50am

      Been alive for 5 days...... Cool, eh?

    • Um...

      Mood June 30, 2008 7:46am

      I started binging.I'm so angry with myself.So... worried.I'm almost shakey, though i'm not sure why.I just kept telling myself "go …

    Read Journal

  • Hugbook

    Give AnAddictionAdored a hug

    • Hug

      From CloudStrife Today

      im good, thanks. just...looking for that one person still.

    • I’m With You

      From runkimber Wednesday

      Hey, just wanted you to know that i commented on the thread you started on binge eating. It really lifted my spirits. Hope you're having a good day.

    • Hug

      From christinajeanne Monday

      Thanks for the comment! keep hope.

    • Hug

      From CloudStrife June 27

      sweet! i fit in! lol.

    • High Five

      From CloudStrife June 27

      alright! im insane! lol

    Read Hugbook

  • Photos

  • Goals

    Lose 25pounds by Dec 5th

    Progress

    5 %

    Goal End Date is Dec 5, 08 152 more days.
    Current Weight (Lbs)
    154.8
    Stay Alive for 5 days

    100%

    Goal Completed on Jul 2, 08
    Have a Binge Free day

    100%

    Goal Completed on Apr 29, 08

  • Support Groups

    • Close Eating Disorders

      UNDIAGNOSED. I flick between binging, binging/purging, restricting, restricting/overexercising. Food is never easy for me anymore.

    • Close Self-Injury

      Been self-harming on and off since i was 14... tried to quit, failed. got bored of it, got re-interested... so on and so forth. Currently falling into the habit again.

      Treatments

      Red Marker Not Working
      I use paint... and paint graphic body wounds onto myself. But its never satisfying and it only makes me want to do it for real.
      Rubber Bands Somewhat Helpful
      My boyfriend told me to try it, it worked for a couple of days (a week max) until the rubber band broke.
      Talking Not Working
      My family doesn't talk about personal issues, so i never learnt how.

    • Open Depression - Teen

      I'm 16, been struggling with on/off depression since i was 10-11... It's sneaking back again.

      Treatments

      Art Somewhat Helpful
      Its handy getting it out on paper, but it doesn't heal.
      Music Not Working
      Generally makes me worse.
      Pets Working / Worked
      I have a dog who always makes me feel loved, somehow more then my bf does... Shes such a sweetie.
      Positive Thinking Not Working
      I can never force myself to be positive.
      Support from Friends & Family Not Working
      Family makes fun of me, Friends just bug me.
      Talking Somewhat Helpful
      Venting helps a little sometimes, but most of the time (like right now) i'm locked up in my head so i can't really talk about it.
      Writing Somewhat Helpful
      I write ALOT... Fictional stories and Journals. Its good for venting, but it's no cure to my problems.

    • Open Insomnia

      I haven't been able to get to sleep before 3am for 7-10 days... It's 5:15am, no sleep yet. 5am seems normal now. I'm so sick of feeling so tired and drained! i'm so sick of feeling so exhausted!

      Treatments

      Music Working / Worked
      It gives me something to break the silence, it stops my mind from wandering so much... but it doesn't really help me sleep better. It passes the time at least.
      Reading Working / Worked
      Reading makes me sleepy, especially slow text documents of reports... those help to make me tired. but they're generally too boring for me to WANT to go read. I would rather be up all night most of the time.

    • Open Seasonal Affective Disorder

      Tragically, Summer is the most Depression-Prone time for me.

    • Open Food Addiction

      Upon reflection... i guess the dead give away of having a food addiction was the first time i started fantasizing about buying dozens of cakes and sitting somewhere alone like my bathroom and just shoving them down without much care to whether i was full or not... Food is not my friend, why can't i remember that?

      Treatments

      Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Not Working
      I tried a Bingers Anonymous on this diet site i used, but it didn't work like i hoped it would.

    • Open Teen Sexuality

      My sexuality... Complicated. What more can i say?

    • Open Female Sexual Issues

      Damaged point of view on sex.

      Treatments

      Relaxation Not Working
      Doesn't help me.

    • Open Diets & Weight Maintenance

      I've been having some problems with emotional binge eating and I've gained 5 pounds that i'm REALLY struggling to lose again... but i'm hoping joining here will help!

      Treatments

      Counting Calories Working / Worked
      It works when i do it properly!
      Eat Less Working / Worked
      It works when i manage to do it.
      Physical Exercise Working / Worked
      I believe in physical exercise as being the key ingredient to weight loss. It really helps SO much!

    • Open Depression

      Ah depression... need i explain my relationship with it? it's pretty normal.

    • Open Diabetes Type 1

      My best friend online found out he had diabetes a year ago... just looking to ask some questions and stuff :]

  • Groups

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