msheather's Journal

Mom...

Monday, July 21, 2008 | A Sad story

I called my mom on the way home from work today, as I do every day and it was such a strange conversation! I could feel how down she was through the phone, she sounded awful. When the doctors took the growths off her leg a week or so ago, they confirmed that the skin cancer had spread and she kept saying it was no big deal, even without all her other health complications cancer is a BIG deal! This is the second time my mom has had cancer, when I was 15 years old she had cervical cancer and all I remember is the chemo and how sick she was but I couldn't quite get a grip on how big it was back then, now as an adult I can and it scares me! I can't even imagine how much it scares her, she was healthy otherwise back in 1985 when she had cancer the first time but the years have not been kind to her. After she had the hysterectomy and the chemo she was never again the same person! In 2000, she had a major heart attack on Christmas night, she was rushed to the hospital and after about 3 weeks of the doctor's waiting for her to be strong enough for sugery, she had another heart attack in the hospital and they could may no longer she had a 6 way bypass surgery and there is no more they can do than that! This was the third heart attack that she had, after the first one a few years earlier she wouldn't consent to the sugery! She has been in and out of the hospital for either her heart, she has COPD, her diabetes, her dialyasis complications, or something most of my adult life. She always seems to beat the odds, but there is going to come a time when she doesn't and I am NOT prepared for that! She will be 61 years old in August which is fairly young, and I hate to see her suffer so much. I just don't know what to say to her now, when I was a teenager and she was only 38 ( how old I will be this year) the first time she had cancer I thought oh, she will get better and everything will be fine, now that she is older and more fragile health wise I am not sure that she can handle cancer physically this time around and that scares the hell out of me! My mom is very guarded and she hides a lot from us when she is sick, she always has. She waits to the absolute last minute to even seek medical help! So I don't know to much more than, she has skin cancer and she sounded so defeated when I talked to her today, but all I get is "I'm fine, no big deal" which fustrates me beyond belief!

Hug mshea...

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Comments

My mom is like that too sometimes - she wants to protect me, from what I do not know. They just never really see us as adults - and I am in my fifties! So they try to protect us. I do know that most moms like to have their kids around. So if you can, spend some time with her and let her know how much you care.

Bobbee
i'm so sorry to hear of this....you are in my thoughts and prayers dear!

BeautyforAshes
U KNOW DEAR..MY FAM DO THE SAME. I FINALLY JUST CAME OUT AND SAID THEY COULDNT GUARD ME FOREVER..SO ITS A WORK IN PROGRESS.
TIME WOULD BE GREAT..AND JUST BE URSELF.MAYBE SHE JUST DOES NOT WANT TO TOTALLY ADMIT TO THE CWORD YET..FIRST THEY FIND OUT AND THEN HAVE TO FIGURE AND GO THROUGH THEIR OWN PROCESS WITH IT.
BILL HAD 3A..MY GMA..HAD SKIN AND MY GPA..AUNT BREAST. SO IT IS JUST THE PERSON AND HOW THEY WANT TO DEAL WITH IT..ALL U CAN DO FOR NOW IS JUST BE THERE. AND HAVE SOME TIME AND MAYBE SHE WILL OPEN UP WHEN SHE IS PREPARED HERSELF..
I REALLY AM SO SORRY...I WISH I COULD SAY SOME MAGICAL WORDS TO MAKE THIS BETTER..I HAVE BEEN ON THE OTHER END OF THE CARETAKING WITH BILL.THE CHEMO. ETC...IT IS NOT EASY AT ALL..FRUSTRATING AND CHALLENGING, BUT WELL WORTH IT.IN THIS TIME U MUST FIND OUTLETS FOR URSELF TOO..TIME FOR URSELF TO DEAL
.SOMETIMES WE JUST NEVER KNOW AND UR MOM SOUNDS LIKE A FIGHTER.AND 61 IS NOT OLD..AND LOVE AND PRAYERS HELP...
SO I AM GOING TO PRAY FOR U AND UR MOM...
JUST KEEP STRONG GIRL...IF U NEED ME..PM ME..K.. JUST REMIND HER EVERYDAY HOW MUCH U LOVE HER..NO MATTER WHAT HER ATUDE MAY BE..AND SOMETIMES U MAY JUST HAVE TO WALK AWAY WITHOUT A WORD..IT IS NO EASY TASK WITH THE C WORD..
LUV AND HUGS GIRL.

littlemisstracy2u
My mom always tried to protect me from her illnesses. It was frustrating when I wanted nothing more than to help care for her. When she was finally sick enough to really need help, she moved to an assisted living facility so that her kids didn't have to be responsible for everything. You have some wonderful comments here. Please be well and keep telling her how much you love her.

LillyBlossom
So sorry, sweetie, I know how hard that is. My best wishes to you and I certainly understand your frustration. My dad was a lot the same way. He recovered from hip surgery but died from pneumonia (he worked in cement plants most of his life and inhaled the dust, which screwed up his lungs. He kept it away from his family, though.

Lynne

lycesq
Sorry to hear about your mom msheather. Yes she is young being 61. My mom had cancer as well, breast cancer and is a survivor. It happens and you and your mom are in my prayers. I know you will be there for her and there's lots to go through. Love is what it takes. Take care of you too and chin up. You are a strong person and have lots to give your mom and you are such a good support and friend to us on DS.((((big gigantic hug)))) kate

kate52
I am sorry to hear about your Mom. Cancer is a scary thing, my mom died of cancer at 55, my age now and I was only 18. She had cancer 5 times before it got the best of her. The death of a parent is a difficult thing to face and I don't mean to be cruel but you will have to prepare yourself because someday you will loose a parent. Please, I am not saying that you are going to loose your mother. I am just saying that when your parents reach a certain age, you have to think of that possibility. Your mom is young and unfortunately she has been very sick. However, she still hangs in there. Perhaps your mom doesn't say much to you and your sister and says not a big deal because she does not want to worry you. I will say a prayer for your mom that she will get through this and a prayer for you that you will gain strength and be able to face what may come your way someday. Love and a big, big hug... love ...Marie

MJP