finishline's Journal

My dearest love it has been 8 months since you left us and the pain is so bad. It has been a really bad week, the crying just starts for no reason and I can't seem to shake it.  I think it was really hitting me this week you are gone and nothing can bring you back. I don't know how I will ever make it without you. I am really struggling with trying to keep everything going alone. The kids are not much help around the house and they won't do anything I ask without a fight. Terra still has no job, she is going to college part time for nothing, I have been paying her car and all her bills and jobs are hard to find she lives in a world all her own. Your son is so lazy he won't do nothing but lay around and play XBox or watch TV. He won't hang out with friends just lays around and if I ask him to help do something he starts telling me he is tired and it is his day off. I am sick of being a door mat, I wonder what they will do when I am gone. I guess I should be greatful they have never been in trouble or drugs, drinking. I just wish they would mature and take on some responsibility. Our oldest seems to be happy since she moved away with her jerk of a husband. She is having her surgery in May. I know when she goes in the hospital he will not go to work and since they live so far from the hospital he won't be there either. I am staying overnight so I can be there during her surgery. I can only pray god keeps her safe she seems to be happy even though everone hates him she loves him. I need you so much I am falling apart here. The doctor put me on medication again but it is not helping. I am so depressed I have so many things that need to be done and I am over-whelmed I have no one to talk to and no help. I have to pay people to do things, I fall asleep at work  and when I get home I just lay around and do nothing. I start doing something then I just stop and go lay down again. Every day is a struggle just to go to work I think of you all day and at night if I don't take pills I can't sleep. There is nothing that can prepare a person for the loss of the only person they have ever loved. I will never get over this, my heart is broken and nothing will heal that. My dearest love I will always have you on my mind and in my heart. I will cherish you and your love till the day I die. I hope you are at peace and watching over us as you are the strength that holds our family together. Your children miss you. I miss you and I know one day we will be together again. "If love could have saved you,

you would have lived forever"

My love always,