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Hello Glenn,
Well Father's Day has come and gone, another one of those hurdles we face. The kids still remember how you took them to Chinoteague for Father's Day weekend they had a good time with just you. I know how much pain you were in but as always you suffered for your kids. They did not know of your pain they just had the joy of being with Dad, times they will never forget. The year before when we all were down there together it seemed as our life could not have gotten any better, all those years I did not want to go now I wish I would have just lived and went. Those were family moments I can't ever have back. I am sorry for not learning to accept and live life as you did. You were always happy ans smiling and ready for all adventures who could have ask for a better husband and father than you. Now I am without you and alone our children without you the joy you gave them they still talk about. The precious memories of DAD.
I have 33 years of memories of you but I am selfish I still hurt for more. I want you here with me. I know things happen for a reason but not you, why you? As I sit here at my desk and pretend to work all I can think of is you. I stare at your photo's and smile I want to talk to you I have so many things to tell you. I was at your grave Sunday with our children we placed some special made flowers on your grave and Terra bought an arrangement with DAD on it and we placed them there and took our picture for my memory book. I wanted to just sit and be there with you but we were heading to take your son to meet everyone for his early birthday. Yes dear your namesake is 17. He had a very expensive birthday got all the things he wanted and more. He went to West Virginia with our daughter and the idiot but he already wants to come home less than 24 hours. He still has issues with things and when those things pop up he wants to get back to where he feels safe again Compulsions he still deals with. Getting better but I thought he would love having his sister to talk to everyday and Terra and I work all day everyday so he would be alone but he wants to come home. I just don't want him sitting all day in the den playing video games doing nothing. He is fighting me as to getting a part time job, working at all doing anything is not in his day. He won't even cut the grass I pay someone every 2 weeks because he won't do it. I have got to start cracking down on him but he is a tough one. He listened to you but me not at all. He is a good kid no trouble just lazy and has no desire to go outside and do anything. He does not even want to drive. Here your truck just sits there and I am paying insurance on it thinking he will be excited to drive it but he shows no interest in learning I don't know if maybe because it was yours he feels funny or maybe he is afraid I don't know what to think. But I told him if I come get him he would be working part time and he would be taken Drivers ED I am not having another Dave on my hands. Our daughter is still pregnant I don't know how they will do it because as always Dave won't work he is a total idiot and she whines but won't leave him so I told her she wants to stay I was not bailing her out.
Don't know how she will handle a baby when she can't walk herself and she still has lung cancer in one lung and her brain tumor is still growing slowly. All her health issues and she gets pregnant I am just blown away. I don't know if the good lord is testing me to see how much more before I explode but I am going to start praying he takes it easy on me. I still have not been approved for the additional life insurance I took out for our home so the kids will have a home if something happens to me. I have been waiting since April. It scares me to not have this extra policy, once I get it I will relax a little more knowing if something were to happen to me our children who are at home will be able to stay and not worry about paying for that house.
Keep your watchful eye over us we need you so much. Not a day or a minute goes by you are not on my mind. I will always love you! Forever and always.
'HERE WITHOUT YOU"
