BreatheEasy's Journal

I had to laugh...yesterday I opened the journal just to change my bad, frowny face to my I'm ok face and did not post a journal entry. I love what happened after. All my wonderful DS friends came to read what I had to say... which was nothing. I love all of their responses to that. My artistic friend Joni said that my blank journal page was like a blank tapestry waiting to be painted. I like that idea. Arlene and Patti wanted to know if I was having a senior moment and blanking out. (Which is probably very close to the truth. LOL) Marie just said she could read my mind and knew what I would have written, had I written. I love it. I felt so loved to know that that many people went to read my journal. I love you guys.

Well, I decided after the advice of my doctor and my good friends that it would be in my best interest to just quit school. I feel relieved and disappointed at the same time. I wanted it so bad... but as the doctor pointed out, I am not going to be able to work so except for the satisfaction of knowing that I earned the degree... I will not be able to actually use it. It has been nice to not worry about anything except when is my caregiver coming, whats on TV, or who is online on DS to chat with. (Well, not so much chat, but to email) I have not read for enjoyment since 2004 when I first started college. Maybe I will take up reading a novel for fun. I used to love to read, before I started school. Or as I said in my profile, maybe I will take up playing my guitar again. I have not played that in years and years. I certainly could not sing... you need to be able to breathe to do that, but my hands still work. LOL!

I just got off the phone with Pattiruff.  I called the hospital where she is at. It turns out it is not pneumonia after all. It is a severe exacerbation brought on by the strain of flu virus that was not covered by the flu shot. Poor girl. They have been givng her tons of antibiotic and prednisone and of course 02. I am so glad we came up with this arrangement for some of us to exchange emergency contact numbers. All of us were so worried about Sassyme/Arlene... (HI Arlene..if you are reading this) that we decided to do this so if anyone disappeared we could track down what happened to that person. I think we all should have one or two or more buddies at DS to exchange emergency contact info with. It just makes sense to me. I also gave the DS web site info to my sister, so if anything happens to me... she can come online and let you guys know also.

YOu know, although we have never met face to face, in many ways you guys know me better then anyone else does. Here at DS I feel free to be who I am. I do not have to pretend to be someone I am not. With you I disclose my fears, thoughts, and feelings. Those fears that I bury from sight with family and friends, because I do not want them to worry. Furthermore, we all share a bond formed by this horrific disease. We are family in a sense. I will do my best to be there for you. Just as I know, you will do the same for me. No, I probably won't sit on your couch. No, I will not be able to wrap my arms around you and comfort you in a physical sense. But, I will be here, ready to listen, ready to empathize, ready  to understand and ready to give my advice when it is asked for. I promise to be your friend! ~smile~

Love yOu All!

JoAnn