neonandcountry's Journal

Well,

     I am not sure what to say, except that I feel like I am on a major roller coaster and can't get off.  My daughter refuses to see me and my first instincts are to fight like hell to get her back.  Except that fighting was what got us in this situation to begin with.  I love her and miss her so much.  Her dad has never been supportive of my relationship with my daughter.  He has done all he can in the last 3 years to keep her from taking part in our activities and everyday life.  She was invited to a wedding a year ago.  The invitation went out as they normally are, about 6 weeks prior to the wedding.  Her dad had all that time to get a flight that would enable her to attend this wedding, but he refused to do so.  He booked her on a late flight and into a city that I don't even live in.  So, she was late to the ceremony.  We only had an hour or so at the recption before it was over.

     The second incident was over christmas.  Her dad had to send her the day after christmas for my holiday.  He did.  and she got to my house at 11:00 pm.  this was utterly unacceptable.  however, the judge seemed to think this was fine.  

    the next christmas, her dad sent her 3 days after she got out of school for christmas.  Now, i have arranged my  time with my daughter to be the same as my time with my son so they can spend all of that together since they hardly get to see each other anymore.  My first ex husband and the father to my daughter and I have always had the same schedule.  One of us gets the first half, the other gets the second half.  With the fist half beginning the day after school lets out for the holiday.  now, when he sent my daughter 3 days late, that meant that my son and my daughter only had 1 day together.  That was all!!!!!  How am i supposed to counter this?  How am I supposed to keep a relationship going when that wretched man keeps interfering like that?  Now, with the arguement that she heard over the last christmas, she says she never wants to see me again.  Her step mother verbally abused her to the point that my daughter had a secret hiding place in their house to hid in.  Her dad even had recorders hidden around the house to record the way his wife was treating my daughter.  That woman is still in her life, but I am not?  

    Last summer we all went to Disney World and had a blast.  my daughter and I went and rode thunder mountain and space mountain together.  just the two of us.  We left my son with my mom and just hung out and had a ball.  She kept me laughing and we started this little joke of how she wanted a duckie.  "mommy, I want a duckie!!"   The first thing that popped into my head was the song that Bert from Bert and Ernie used to sing about his rubber duckie.  We laughed and laughed and i am sure that the people who watched us thought we were insane.  We didn't care.  We were having fun and being silly together.  I miss that so much. 

    When i think that i may never see my daughter again, i remember that and my heart aches and i can't see through the tears.  Kind of like now.  I am sitting here trying to type and I can only hope that I am typing in some readable way because I can't see a thing.   I had better get, my roommate is coming.  thanks all