nutz's Journal

  Was watching a show last nite and the daughter was diagnosed with bp when she committed a crime. She would not let herself be admitted to a mental health place so they told dad if he could prove someone else in the family had it as it is hereditary they could do it without her permission. Well he hadn't talked to his mom in yrs due to her will behaviour as a mom but he went to see her to see if she would admit to being bp. She denied it and said she was just a free spirit etc but finally did admit when her hubby had her put away for awhile she was medicated for it but stopped very soon after leaving it.

  The whole reason I wrote this was her description of why she stopped taking the meds.

 She said she felt like someone had reached inside her and removed all her feelings and she just felt like a shell with no emotions at all and just couldn't live like that so stopped taking them. This is the first realistic statement I have ever seen on a tv show, so many on Ds describe being on meds this way, myself included. Now I know I need my meds so stay on them but it was nice to see a show not making us look crazy and showing a bit of insight into how we do feel and how the family feels when being told their teen has this disease and everyone stating that this girl is crazy...my daughter is not crazy etc. The most realistic thing I've seen on tv about a person with bp and how people react.

  So bf just told me his next course will be the last week this month. Stupid company sends him off the week of my b'day....they have a lot of nerve.lol so will be fricking depressed that week due to b'day which always depresses me and the fact that I have to be alone on it will be worse. I will survive but he better leave lots of money for me to go out as I am going to go to the casino come hell or high water sometime that week. I will celebrate alone and hopefully the Luck Fairy will be nice to me though when you are down she usually shits on you too.lol

  Other than that back is still sore and not sure if that is due to spending so much time in bed or not, but had a lousy sleep last nite back aching so tossing and turning all nite.

  Neck ach is abating some though so that is good and feeling not to bad otherwise. Though the news pissed me off some.

  Leftovers for supper tonite don't have the energy to cook another big meal today and should use up the leftovers anyway.

  Think I need a nap now as that should get rid of the mad and I don't think about what pisses me off when I'm sleeping lol.

  Well slept 12 hrs last nite till 1pm, but am feeling a little more alert today. Been um 2 hrs and am still awake YAY! Head still feels full of air, but that might be normal.lol So got up had coffee and smokes then decided oh yeah need to wash bedding so that went in, sat had another coffee and smoke and thought, while I'm awake must get something done so swept and washed the kitchen and stove room floors. Also put in a pork roast for supper as even if I fall asleep it will still be okay.

  Really am feeling more alert today and it feels good to be able to think again. Wondering if it was the pain meds with my bp meds that did this or what have never in my life slept so much so this is very odd. Used to be if I slept 15 mins I was up all nite. Aw hell who knows what is going on will just go with the flow and be thankful I didn't have a job to go to as there is no way I could have done it.

  Dogs are sleeping with me thank heavens and they just wait for bf to come home to perk up. The wind is blowing today and the leaves once again are falling rapidly just to irritate me knowing that due to the rain last nite can't even pick them up till they dry.

  But life is back to normal, bf at work and me just going thru the motions till I am back to normal what ever that may be! Have to have a shower before Michael gets home so I look a little more normal today. Slept in spare bed last nite as the dogs and bf had taken over the entire bed and I just didn't have the energy to move them all to make room for me, this is getting to be a habit. Must  change this.....what the hell did the computor run out of black or what??? lol

  Hope everyone has a good day.