i'm falling.
April 24, 2008 1:47pm
i woke up this morning and fell into a full blown panic attack. my heart is breaking. i haven't visited this site in a while and it seems as …
PollyPocketGirl’s Profile
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PollyPocketGirl
is feeling Horrible
About Me
I'm a single, 19 year old, LDS girl from Salt Lake City, Utah. I attended SUU for a semester last year, but due to a bad break-up, my depression got really out of control and I had to move back home with my parents in December 2006. A few days after Christmas, I ended up in the hospital and spent about a month in the psych ward at LDS Hospital. I started working as a CNA after I got out, but haven't been working much at all lately. Most of my friends are away at school or busy with jobs, so I've been alone a lot lately and need some extra support getting through some of my road blocks that life has decided to throw my way.
Interests
Lately I have been really into longboarding. i get hurt a lot, but there's just something about soaring down the street with the wind in your hair. I am a HUGE fan of music. My favorite kind is probably classic rock, but I really love anything. I absolutely adore the Beatles. I also play the piano and violin and when I'm having a bad day, I like to sit down and play some Chopin or Bach. I find that it really helps me to get all my frustrations and feelings out. I love playing video games. My favorites are all the old school stuff like Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong, but I also love Guitar Hero and Halo and all those games.
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Recent Activity
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Journal
This entry is private
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Journal Entry for November 30, 2007
November 30, 2007 11:31am
things are going much better now as of right now. i've been seeing much more of my girl lately. i told her that i love her. she is moving to cali …
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Journal Entry for November 24, 2007
November 24, 2007 3:35pm
i feel terrible. my gf as of one week has been out with new friends for days. for the past month or so, i have seen her almost every single day, but …
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Journal Entry for November 17, 2007
November 17, 2007 12:10pm
UPDATE!!!
ok so i am really happy as of right now. aubrey asked me to be her girlfriend yesterday so we are like totally official and i think i am in …
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Hugbook
Hug
Hey, how are you doing? I hope your week gets better!
Prayer
Keep it coming, writing can be cathartic. Don't make decisions while you're under strong emotions. It seems like nothing is right right now, but when you get your wits around you and you're calmer and you've heard some wiser counsel, you'll be veeeerrrry glad you didn't make any decisions while under the influence of strong emotions. I had to write this down and I read it just about every day: " Don't make a decision based on your feelings/emotions. Make decisions out of your convictions, beliefs and the truth. Your emotions are not "the truth". The truth is that you'll be a little more stable given some time and support. And keep on writing, thinking, but if you can help it, try not to ruminate too much. It becomes a vicious startling cycle of negative. Just think flat for now, not up or down, but think flat and still. And remember, sh*t happens, but eventually it will be the fertilizer for your garden to grow. God knows. He knows. Praying for you today, dear one
Hug
I hope you are well, sweetheart.
Hug
hi babe
Hug
glad ur doing better hun. im ok i guess
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressioni was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 16 and i've been dealing with it ever since. i have spent some time in a psych ward, which was very theraputic and felt like a wonderful escape from the world. many factors in my life cause constant ups and downs and some days are better than others, but i would love to just completely rid myself of this empty feeling.
Treatments
- Celexa Somewhat Helpful
- i used to take this.
- Meditation Working / Worked
- i am constantly lost in my own mental wanderings. always in deep thought.
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- i used to take this.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- i see a psychiatrist weekly and a psychologist monthly.
- Seroquel Somewhat Helpful
- i take this to help me sleep.
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- my friends and family are very supportive and try to help me stay positive.
- Writing Working / Worked
- i write all the time. it helps me to vent and just get everything out.
- Zoloft Too Soon to Tell
- i just started taking this and i'm hoping it will work better than all the others i've tried.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Close Anxiety
i think my anxiety comes along with my depression and some environmental issues. i occasionally have panic attacks. i would describe it as mental clausterphobia. i become trapped in my own head and can't breathe or even think straight.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- i used to take this.
- Breathwork Working / Worked
- i find it hard to ever get through a rush of anxiety without focusing on slow, long breathing.
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- i tried this for a few months.
- Meditation Considering
- sometimes the more i think, the deeper i fall into my emotions and the harder it is to get out.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- this seems to be my ultimate escape from panic attacks and deep anxiety.
- Zoloft Too Soon to Tell
- i just started taking this for depression.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Xanax Working / Worked
Open Self-Injury
unlike some cutters, i do not think before i act. cutting releases my pain. i have some deep cuts on my thighs and fore arms.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- i see a a psychiatrist weekly and a pschologist monthly.
- Rubber Bands Somewhat Helpful
- i do find this to be helpful, but sometimes it just doesn't do the trick.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Insomnia
if i don't take something to aid me in sleeping, i could go up to 48 hours without even a moment of sleep.
Treatments
- Ambien Working / Worked
- i think this works. it does help me to sleep, but if i don't try to go to sleep after taking it, i hallucinate and hear things and act really weird. sometimes i don't even remember the things that i do after taking this.
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- this pill will completely knock me out within 15 minutes of taking it. i do think it is very extreme, but sometimes this is the only thing that can put me out.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open ADHD / ADD
i have a.d.d. and struggled a lot in school. i never found a way to really focus until after i graduated, so my grades were rather low.
Treatments
Open Eating Disorders
i wouldn't consider myself to be anorexic or beulemic. i always feel guilty when i eat. ALWAYS. i have lost about 65 pounds in the past 8 months. when my depression hit it's all-time low, i went weeks without eating. ever since then, my eating habits have been very out of wack. i can go days without eating, and i will because i need to keep losing weight. if i do get really hungry and eat a lot, sometimes i'll feel guilty enough to go and make myself throw up.
Treatments
- Celexa Somewhat Helpful
- i used to take this for depression.
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- used to take this for depression.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- i see a psychiatrist weekly and a pschologist monthly.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- i just started taking this for my depression.
Open Panic Attacks
for the past year, i've been dealing with panic attacks. they are usually caused when i am forced to deal with stressful situations in my life.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- i used to take this for depression.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- i see a psychiatrist weekly and a pschologist monthly.
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- i take this to help my insomnia.
- Trazodone Somewhat Helpful
- i tried this for like a month.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- this stuff really just helps me calm down and makes me feel like everything is just dandy.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- i just started taking this for my depression.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Xanax Working / Worked
Open Breakups & Divorce
i had a bad break-up in february 2007 after a 2 year relationship. i was very much in love and don't think i will ever fully be over it.
Treatments
- Leave Working / Worked
- sometimes i just have to get away.i spent about a month in a psych ward which was really nice and i take occasional road trips.
- Music Working / Worked
- music is so helpful to me. i love listening to music and i love making music. it really helps release my feelings.
- Pets Working / Worked
- my dog is really my best friend right now.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- i see a pschiatrist weekly and a pschologist monthly.
- Talking Working / Worked
- my friends are really there for me when it comes to talking about this pain in my life.
- Time Working / Worked
- slowly, but surely as time goes by, i am feeling less and less devistated.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Phobia
i am terribly afraid of eternity. going on forever. no matter what ends up happening to us, it will last forever and always. i will always exist, and most of my existence will be nothing. I could never kill myself because I'd rather be alive and miserable than dead and... nothing. because even nothing can go on forever and ever and ever...
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
i don't know if i am addicted or if i just feel the need to be in another state of mind so badly, that i don't care. when i start feeling really depressed, i want to smoke. it just makes me feel like nothing really matters and i wish that things were really like that.
Open Bisexuality
i am attracted to men. all men. i am also attracted to girls who are really butch. i think i can call myself bisexual...
Open Alcoholism
i think i am becoming an alcoholic. i love the feeling i get when i drink and i don't think i care if i am getting addicted.
Open Prescription Drug Abuse
i abuse some of my own drugs which include xanax, ambien, adderal and seroquel. i also pop some pills that i get from friends. stuff like lortab..oxycotin..valuum..etc
Open Coming Out
PollyPocketGirl hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
i've been in and am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Art Working / Worked
- Forgiveness Not Working
- Music Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
