Journal Entry for June 12, 2007
Today is a new day, For I will try my best to see the good God has planned for it.I have quite my Job,due to stress.I have twin daughter that …
is feeling Good
I have biopar.I have been on taking 150mg of wellbutrin,alone with 400mg of Lamictal.
Today is a new day, For I will try my best to see the good God has planned for it.I have quite my Job,due to stress.I have twin daughter that …
I feel pretty good today,however I resently move to Long Beach sep,2006,after living in the high desert for 24 years.I feel very alone and lost at …
Hey! Thanks for the flowers! You have a happy and special Valentine's day too. I am so glad for your new career in progress and feel so at peace that life is looking good now--because I've been where you were and worse! Praise--there's a true GOD!!!!!Doesn't He always get us out of messes? It's amazing. My sister sent me a heart box of See's Candy yesterday. It's almost gone! Think I'll put on a funny movie on for Valentine's day since I haven't had any strength to do anything for a few days except sleep. Once again----thanks for the flower's! Happy wishes to you and your home. Jillian P.S. I changed my username and email address incase my part time husband decides to open my file overseas.
Excellent!! Great news that you turned back home and got your old job back!!! I had to do the same. It is a very humbling expeience one in which I never want or will repeat again. Unfortunately, it is part of bipolar making bad choices. Good news is----we don't have to go through that when we set our eyes directly upon Him above because God knows our weakness and I firmly believe He gives help more to those who have serious medical condiitons. Real estate and notary is an excellent and solid choice of career! Keep strong in faith. Jillian
Hi again Ivydal, Oops...reading my email, I wrote " I can't emphasize dwindling funds..." I apologize of course I meant.." I can empahsize...... Jillian.
Hi Ivydal, Wish I could have emailed sooner. Very long story. Also, didn't have a power adapter for my lap top last week--my puppy chewed the adapter off. It took longer than expected to get my order from Dell. Thank you for writing back. I understand those crying spells. You may need to increase your meds---I did when crying constantly overwhelmed me. I have kept you in my prayers often. Don't worry God has the perfect job for you. By the way, what did you do before moving from the high plains that your family is so upset. Don't worry what others think prayer will change things around. I.ve been lost many times. Last bad relationship with my so called boyfriend, I ended up completely the opposite sides of the United States in a backwards town was Elizabeth Town in North Carolina for some trucker I fell head over lust with or was it love? A good looking 6'6" former Ranger and true Cajun Lousiannian with bad nightmares and flashbacks of Panama. Needless to say, I was terrified of him. My family and children couldn't understand why I broke up with my fiance here in Washington State. In their minds back home, I was a very bad woman with no scrupples. Big mistake to follow my impulses--very confused and hated myself for repeating bad things over and over throughout my life. Anyway, in this strange town with a pig slaughter house where pigs squealed every minute near by---it was hell with no way to get out, I had no way to get home either. My last resort was to ask my ex for money for a airline ticket.It's a miracle he even spoke to me. I remember praying in the trailer house near a swamp with fat and poisionius snakes outside my door. God heard me and delievered me from the desperate situation.It wasn't fast--it took some time to accept my mistake and forgive myself and to accept the temporary situation. I knew it wasn't Gods desire for me to be there. Prayer changed everything. You see,I had nowhere to go but to God. It was a miracle my fiance took me back since he had plenty of opportunity being good looking and making six digit salary. Even my children and family forgave me and today, closer than ever. It was over ten years after that I had been diagnoised with bi-polar. I was a rapid cycler and struggled with an engulfing desire to commit suicide---everyday. Until receiving proper meds, a constant relationship with God that my days are no longer with such thoughts. All I can say is, in my life God has NEVER EVER left me alone nor given me more than I could stand. He has answered EVERY prayer in his way, in His time--always when I was ready. In all this and many past impulses for a strong fascination with a man, I was always so blessed to be led home. In my own experience, I would encourage you, to back to the high plains. Pray that those who are angry or disapointed with you--that God will give them an understanding heart. Have confidence that God knows your situation and sees your tears. He feels your pain and has a great plan for you. Do everything right in your heart and make all decisions this way---and be led by it. Finally, everything you are going through---I've been there too. I've been a wife of a millionaire, to loosing everything and having no where to go. I can't emphasize the dwindling funds. Perhaps you can go to a Christian Pastor and explain your situation. In the meanwhile TALK TALK to God--He's your best friend. Be still and know that He is God. Hang in there.....Jillian
Hi Iyvidal, I know what you are feeling--lost in a strange place. I also have bi-polar and chronic fatigue. I am on Effexor, Lamictal and provigil. I have rapid cycling. It's hell I know. Change is always tough but things will get better I'm sure. Someway--somehow, you will find your place--it will come. I have always found in my own life that God's plans are never my own and thank god--I would be worse off. My advice is trust the One bigger than yourself. He knows what He's doing even though we don't. God works in marvelous mysterious ways. I'm here for you. Jillian