Well, I had two interviews today …
Well, I had two interviews today -- One at Bon Secours for an office manager and one at Mancon Inc for an admin …
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Had my interview at the hospital this afternoon - things went pretty well. Not only is the pay good, but there is a chance for advancement that I do not have where I'm at now. And will never have.
But - as usual - I found myself setting myself up. I sized everyone up, scoped the place out - I did what I do best. Put myself in the corner and saw the office manager and employees as better than me. I hate it - I really am tired of it. I feel like I'm on some kind of spectacled spot light and they'll quickly recognize my life's been out of control for a while.
BUT - I need this. I need myself challenged to come out of this shell. This is what it's gonna take to get myself back. Even if this job doesn't pan out, I went on an interview at a hospital where I now have my foot in the door and can interview for other jobs she told me today. They usually hire internally and she is interviewing some co-workers for the position too..so if they get it, I am in the system as available to interview for the next administrative job which I never had before today.
I just need to look inside myself to find that person that used to be so sure of herself..I used to run the office at the factory where I worked with my eyes practially shut. There was nothing I couldn't do or a computer software I couldn't use. I've just lost that part of me that knows I can do it.
I almost feel childish posting this, for I'm smarter than this, but it's taken me a while to see just how hard my confidence has taken a blow over my divorce. Times like this I really wish my faith was stronger to help me see I can do this - that I can get this job or another just as good. I talked to the manager for quite some time and we got along great - I asked every question I could think of and left no stone unturned, and I could tell she liked me.
So now - I wait. No matter what happens - I tried. And I've shown myself I can put myself out there to a certain degree. Makes my day worth it. 
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I think that confidence comes like it goes..in stages. Our ex's didn't help. You'll get yours back.
It's not childish...even adult ego's are fragile and can only take so much. You are doing great!!
Che2
Deb, any interview is intimidating. Especially if it's something you think you want. So you've suffered a set back in your life through divorce but your smarter now. Believe in yourself from what you used to do and have faith that you are richer in knowledge than ever before. This can be a turning point in your life. That hollow feeling and numbness is leaving you. You've got desire and that is key to your success. You will succeed.
bowhunter
I agree with needing to challenge yourself to come out of your shell. I gave up my job in 1993 as an Office Manager of a 20 doctor Cardiology practice, to have my youngest. I was out of the workforce for 5 years. I was scared to death to work again, let alone interview. Shit, I used to do all the interviewing. Anyway, as scared as I was in the interview, I got offered the job I wanted at a higher pay rate. Since I have been back in the work force, I feel so independent and important. It is amazing how a great job can make you feel. Good luck with getting it!!!
KimN3