momof477's Journal

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
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>        Marriage changes passion.
>        Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
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>        I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
>        So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
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>        How come we choose from just two people to run for
>        president and over fifty for Miss America ?
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>        I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
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>        When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
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>        Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
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>        Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
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>        Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
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>        Wouldn't you know it....
>        Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
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>        Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
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>        Bumper sticker of the year:
>        "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
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>      And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.