momof477's Journal

Journal Entry for November 9, 2007 Mood

Friday, November 9, 2007

I've been thinking of this all night last night and today. I am thinking of stopping my therapy and quitting taking my meds. I am so sick and tired of my therapy, my meds, my husband, everything. I don't feel like the therapy is helping me right now, the meds aren't either, and my hubby,,,,, well don't even get me started on that SELFISH SONOFABITCH. I've been trying and trying but to no avail to better myself, and he isn't willing to give not one inch on anything. So I'm thinking of just quitting it all. What's the use?
I'm taking zoloft and seroquel with buspar for depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, bpd, and dissociative disorder. I've been thinking all day and night and I haven't decided anything yet. I won't util i can talk to my therapist on Tues. I'm thinking of stopping therapy, going to the dr and having him take me off all my meds. i have been trying and trying and it's all for nothing. Why should I get help for my issues when my husband won't even admit to his own addictions and problems?
I'm feeling like a failure. A failure as a mom, wife, and as a woman. I've been a failure all my life and the fact that my husband can't love me enough to get help for his "appitite" for other women just validates to me what a failure i am as a woman.
True, he hasn't actually went out and physically cheated on me, but he has emotionally been cheating on me for months on the computer. Each time he's caught he will say he's sorry, he'll stop, and it'll never happen again. he's addicted to pornography. He has been since he was a teen. He "tries" to sneak behind my back, but he's caught each and every time. I'm just ready to quit, give in, and say "f*** it!".

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Comments

Maybe try a different med Hun. That seroquel was aweful for me and I remember you told me that it makes you cranky lol. Sorry that Hubby is not helping. You my friend are far from a failure. love ya xx

pisim64
Have they ever tried Xanax hun.Don't you dare give up.(Xanax works) for panic.A failure!! (Please) your a strong person.You have morals.You have to put you and the kids in your mind first hun

Greggy
Lord knows that I have been where you are, mom. Real strength comes when everything sucks. You will come out of this. Depression is temporary, though persistent.

mcoop