mindy027's Journal

Journal Entry for November 30, 2007 Mood

Friday, November 30, 2007

this really sucks. after feeling really good all day despite some stressful moments...im all fucked up again.

i put myself out there...worrying all day, waiting to come home to be with him...and blammo we get into a fight on the phone. im not putting blame on anybody because it is both of our faults. but now i cant calm down no matter how i try. my newly regular panic attacks is rearing its ugly head. i am trying so hard to calm down because i dont want to have one here at work....but i feel it coming on. i have the palpatations and the creepy crawlies down my arms. my breathing is getting tighter and my legs feel all restless. i just want to cry right now but i cant. im in a room full of people and i am trying not to make things obvious. i hope it doesnt get worse for i will have to travel on the train within the 1/2 hour. i just hate this feeling. i feel so helpless. i know many of you experience this and know how much it sucks. but their are so many things you can control with your body...but not a fucking panic attack.

i just wanted a peaceful evening tonight. i great night. a fun night. now i dont know what i am coming home to. i will try my best to be calm and salvage the evening. put my feelings behind just so things can get better. i hate this rollercoaster that is my life. i hate feeling so good about things, feeling so optimistic, so deeply in love...than blammo it feels as though a rug has been pulled out from under me. it sucks because he has no idea how much i love him and how much this hurts.

gotta go for now. i will try my best to calm down...i will be doing bussing which is always stressful so i so hope things wont get worse. dont need to be a basket case on the train.

so what i will do now...breathe, try to relax, and just hope for the best later.

Hug mindy027

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Comments

i really can relate to that. i think that's why i get so upset when things start going awry. i don't want it to be and i can just get into a panic, and it's so hard to get out of it. hugs and prayers!

BeautyforAshes
god bless your heart Mindy! You're in my thoughts and prayers!

i hope and pray, that you and Trey have a nice peaceful evening. You both, have special relationship, and i am sure, can make it through this rough moment. You both, hug, make up, cuddle on the couch, watch a movie. it's the holiday season! :)

i believe, you should see your doctor, about your panic attacks, and your awful feelings. When i read that you have tingley sensations, and also, all these terrible panic attacks, and the stress you've been under. You should definitely see your doctor, get your blood pressure checked, and also, talk with your doctor, about your panic attacks. i care about you hun!

Chris1981
my next therapy appt is on monday and my psych is in a couple of weeks. i will try to make a reg dr appt. its just so hard to get an appt with her. thank you so much for your concern.

mindy027
Things will change day to day I know we are there. I wish the best for you. We have lots of changes with school for both of us in the new year and a possible another move. The best way I fight these panic attacks is to change what I'm doing or leave the house or whereever i am.

listless
i hope things got better for you later in the day and were able to survive. i hate it when things just sneak up on you like that!! i have had similar feeligs when esp stressed- my left arm/shoulder area starts to hurt and it is hard for me to think. taking a few xanax usually calms me down and makes that go away, but i know i should probably get that all check out to make sure it's not a heart or other health condition.
hang in there. wish i could offer more help, but feel free to keep messaging/journaling. i'm listening. :)

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