misshim's Journal

In the Blink of an Eye Mood

Friday, July 4, 2008 | A General Update story

I was wondering where did my life go. When was the last time I was truly happy. When was the last time I had enough energy to stay alert all day long. When was the last time I was motivated to enjoy a fun weekend with my family.

I've been thinking if I just quit enjoying life, I will be punished enough for losing my son.

Crazy, isn't it ? You see I've been thinking and thinking and thinking about if there was anything I could've done different and Justin would still be here. When you lose your heart like I did, that's all you do ... you constantly think about it.

I used to enjoy so many things. I used to care about so many things. But all that has changed.

IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE , all that has changed, and I will never,ever

be the same.IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, my world turned upside down, I've lost something that I desperately need to find.

I once had it all, but all that changed ...IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

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Comments

Exactly, ditto.
Susan

sushi12
I think our life is full of puzzle pieces. We try to put it together again. The picture will never look the same as it once did but it is our challenge now to still make that picture beautiful. Honor you son by making your life beautiful. It does go by in a blink of an eye so don't only endure life as you have been but let yourself enjoy it too. Here for you. Love Robin

Robin4
Yes, I know. The emptiness feels unbearable. I wish I could give you words of advice and/or encouragement, but all I can give you is empathy. There just doesn't seem like there's anything to look forward to anymore. But others on here have encouraged me because they have learned to laugh again. I think our boys would want us to. Love Charlotte.

FJsMum
"I've been thinking if I just quit enjoying life, I will be punished enough for losing my son. " I want you to think about that statement...and remember that just losing your soon was punishment enough! YOU are punishing yourself IF you cease to enjoy things...please CHOSE better for yourself...love to you...Karen

biowoman
Biowoman has said it very well, Today i went to my Kelli's burial site. I pulled weeds, trimmed roses, added flowers, prayed and talk to her and kissed her good bye. For the first time i felt a measure of happiness b/c though she is gone i was there with her earthly remains. I was so happy to be that close to her. She isn't gone she is with me everyday. I'm beginning to understand that now. Though the tears did fall later tonight as i visited her memorial site. I understood today at the cemetery she is closer to me than ever and forever i will love her.

MyAngelgirl
I think that each of us has paid the biggest price out there for what ever one might think they MIGHT have ever thought they did. I do not believe for a MOMENT the we get punished but if you do then you have paid double.....
Again I do not believe in that sort of thing. I just do not. I hate this - BUT when it is time for you to go it is your time. I said it . I HATE THIS. But my son was only 17 and he knew he was not going to live past his teen years. I thought he was crazy,kidding like people do, but he just knew. I read about stuff like this after his passing and it talks about the soul knowing. People like him, "old souls". I am still reading and getting more and more into all this.I just want to figure it all out. That and signs. How did he know? I mean he told his friends he would be GOLDEN if he made it to his 18th b-day. Meaning he would not have to worry about anything....Weird huh. If I had only listened

akhockeymom
I miss my Justin too.In a blink of a eye our lives have changed.We need to be strong for each other.You so sound like me.Try and do one thing you use to do and keep trying until you enjoy it.I had to force myself everyday but now I look at my flower garden and it reminds me of Justin when I was younger I was always outside doing something with Justin tagging along to help whatever I was doing.I send you many many hugs.I do know where you are it hurts and probably always will.Take care.Keep in touch.jfm24,Vicki

jfm24
You should not continue the punishment you have already recieved. Loosing our kids is the punishment to end all punishments. We need to continue to live, love , laugh, to honor our kids and do for them what they no longer can. Love and hugs Cathy

RockstarsMom