licianne's Journal

Well I am still having seziers, had some lastnight, so called my mom and went to house at 1230am and told her just to watch me as I lay on her bed. Boy did mom freak out, she screamed and them my aunt came running in, after about 10 minutes of them watching me they wanted take me to hospital.  Talked them out of that at least for the night. I really think its that med they have me on, the suboxone!  I have gained 20 lbs in two weeks, most of it is water retention, both of my lers are so swollen that the skin is tight and shiny, and red and hot to the touch. I have been taking my water pills everyday and I even uped the dose.  My aunt thinks that suboxone could be making my bladder numb, I can feel it when its full but when I try to use the bathroom I cant feel a thing.

Every muscle hurts, anywhere I touch it feels like theres a bruise there. I am going into the hospital, I just dont know when, its my birthday weekend, and if I go the Doctors have to keep me at least 72 hours cause I have had 3 heart attacks,,(heart is a muscle,,so scared that it might go "numb") but come on its my birthday weekend!Not to mention my daughter will freak out, BUT am sure she would rather I was in the hospital a few days and not dead for the rest of her life.  See I know it needs to be done, I am just scared I guess, that and I know I will get irretable (spelling sucks, sorry) because my mom will have to come with me, and then she treats me like I am 5, not to mention she trys to answer the ? the docs ask and she doesnt know the right answer, so the the docs get upset after 10 mins of her answering and me telling her to stop and let me talk to him/her.   Then theres the issuse that once I am there I get better, or they just think I am drug seeking, so I dont get the right care that I should.  ok I will go,, again not sure when, today or tomorrow.   Gosh, didnt know that I wrote a novel. but feels better to get that all out! I will write more when I know more, or when I get out of hospital, IF I get out!

love and hugs                                                               

Licia