QuackedUp's Journal

laters gators... Mood

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Why do I go on?

What keeps me hanging on?

I don't know. I'm no longer motivated to do anything. I work so much that I am so mentally fatigued all the time.

I don't feel like working out anymore, I don't even do what I'm supposed to do around the house. I live my life on the computer.

How sad is that?

It's not sad. It's fucking pitiful.

I'm always so tired, my muscles always hurt and people don't want to listen to what I have to say. Why can't I just enjoy the simple things in life? I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper in a dark hole and can't get out. Almost like quicksand. Part of me doesn't even want to get out. Part of me just wants to drift off and slowly die.

The scary part is I'm afraid to take a risk. I'm afraid of the unknown. I don't trust people. So knowing what I know seems to keep the status quo. Unfortunately the status quo is slowly killing me.

I probably should delete my DS account and Myspace account and try to just move on. Why am I like this? Is it BP or just plain laziness?

What am I good for? Nothing.

I wish you all well. I'm probably gonna leave in a few days and try to pull my shit together. Will I be back? I don't know. Here's a departing song for your enjoyment...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBxtzHAI0VA

God Bless,
Rob

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Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H13...

QuackedUp
YOU CANT LEAVE!!!

AnjelSeekingPeace
Rob it's BP and you are not lazy. God Bless you in whatever you decide to do and know that none of us want you to go....you are loved...you should hear how we talk about you behind your back....lol...you are awesome!!!!!!!!!!

lisaannie
Yeah! what Lisannie says...she is right.
I hope you find the bright light. You've been down for awhile....maybe your vaction will do you some good. I hope happiness shines on you.

ALWAYSup
Mr Quacked Up, It is the BP dont delete your account you will wake up in the middle of the night sit down at the computer and wont be able to finf yourself.

One thing I did when I was depressed for 11 months is write down ever guy I had sex with and rate the, had to tear the sheet up cause I didnt want anyone to figure it out! I talked tomyself on the couch alot. And I did candles and chocolate and the music Iliked. I think you are wonderful It is just this fucking illness.

auntfeather
dear quacked up i read your entry and i know exactly how you feel. what do you do when you feel like this? i really would like to know becasue faking it isnt working anymore and when i crack it wont be pretty

phattgurrl
I feel tired and ache all the time. iT is the meds and BP. So what if we sit on the comp for a year. The year after we might be running marathons.
Keep it together.
Love Suze x

SuzeQ2