RickUK's Journal

I have a few freewheeling thoughts that I want to commit to write before I head to bed tonight.

I wrote to my new university's counselling service today and asked in advance whether they could find a service to suit me, considering my depression and substance abuse backgrounds.

I feel rather satisfied with doing that. I am pretty sure that the university will be able to help me next term.

As I go to bed, I am reminded of the thoughts of a therapist on Monday. He told me that the best thing that I can do to get out of my patterns of behaviour would be to peel away the layers of self-medicating protection that I have given myself in my life in order to get down to the real "me" that lies beneath it all so that I can accept the real me.

I had a little bit of a conflict of interests at the school today. I found myself ringing that little Polish girl's parents about something without consulting the headmaster. It didn't work out well for me. And right there came another lesson. I called the girl's parents because I wanted to please people and jettison my relations within the school as a consequence.

Off comes another layer of the onion. I expect a lot of lessons like this in the next year of teacher training as I discover that people pleasing isn't a strategy that's going to work for me. I know that deep down teaching is my vocation. Teacher training is the best thing for me right now. But there are many years' worth of self-sabotaging behaviour that will be challenged and (I hope) eradicated in the process.

 Oh and I didn't do my food diary today. I ended up eating a vast apple crumble that my landlady had made for me and which she had expected to last me two weeks, or so she says.

 I would like to end on some positives:

1. The new tenant is lovely and I enjoyed speaking with her tonight

2. I am reinforced in my knowledge that my food diary is a huge help to me

3. I was helped greatly by some teachers at the school towards some tasks that the university has given me

4. I sent off an identification photo to university. I had procrastinated that particular job for - would you believe - four months

5. My email to the university counselling service which should bode well for the future

Regards

Rick