Denimari's Journal

Journal Entry for October 26, 2007 Mood

Friday, October 26, 2007

I was so hoping the anxiety med would help but here I am another day - of such a deep, deep sadness & crying again. Woke up feeling frustrated - because I can't change any of it - I try to find the good things left in my life, but I can't stop thinking about Shaun - so much so, I feel guilty that I'm not focused on loosing my mom or my sister right now. He has consumed my every moment, my whole world for over two months now - and I'm sick and tired of people looking at me with that "What the heck is wrong with you - look", Can't they figure it out for themselves?

My son is dead - dead - dead - and part of me is dead as well - Who really cares about grocery shopping, cleaning, paper work - bills - if I hear "What's for dinner", one more time - I just might scream at them. My girlfriend who has a great sense of humor said to tell them - "they are big enough and ugly enough to fend for themselves", but they are two very spoiled men - who expect me to pick up where I left off before Shaun died - and I don't want to. How about them taking care of me for one day? How about them going out and bringing dinner home?

Feeling more hopeless today than all week. Just very depressed and want to go to sleep.

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Comments

now wouldnt that be nice if someone waited on us!!!..i could handle that for a change..id like to run away!!..hell with it all..bills...shopping...cleaning...ect...piss on it!!..im with you..i feel ur sadness also..just hang in there with the rest of us..we are gona make it my friend!!!..love u

DianaLynn
Hi Sweetie, Have you told them that you need them to take care of you for a little while? I know we want them to figure it out but it may be that they need to be told. I know that ny husband is the same way. He expects things to be as the were before Kyle died, but things are not the same and they never will be. It is their way of trying to get back to normal and it may also be denial. Have you gotten into any counceling? I think it would be good for you and your family. I wish I could do more for you. Know I am here to help and am going through a similar situation, please lean on me. (((hugs)) Katherine

kms1234
Give the meds time to work - they do take time - if after a week or so they don't seem to help - go back & get different ones - there should be something out there to at least take the edge off so you can at the very least function. The men/boys in your life can fend for themselves for awhile - let them know what you need - you deserve a little pampering - try a massage every week - it really helps - it won't be easy at first - like everything else - you will probably feel guilty for enjoying it but stick it out - it will help. Good Luck & I am here for you...Hugs,Ann

annsullivan
People can't know what you need unless you tell them. I'm with your friend, tell them to fend for themselves. Tell them Shaun's death has just knocked you to your knees and you need them to help. The meds take awhile to work, and grief is long and tiring. Be kind to yourself and let others do for you. Love and hugs Cathy

RockstarsMom
I understand. I have no interest in anything either. We are not the same poeple. Part of us is missing. I go thru the motions but I am not here. People do not understand. I have heard that time will heal. No, it will never heal but it may soften?? Give the meds some time to work. Try to have a peaceful weekend. I am here if you need to vent. HUGS love lucille

joeymom
All the housework will still be there next week and the next. Just tell them you're on strike until you get some much deserved grieving time. Little by little it will improve. Not everyday but an OK day will sneek in there. Hang in there. We're all here for you. Love Robin

Robin4
I agree with the rest, You need your own time. Let them do for themselves for awhile. I know how hard it is to put you first, but that's what you need. Sometimes men aren't as sensitive about things so TELL THEM!! We're all here for you. Love Dawn.

Drews
Your "spent"!!! Tell those "ugly" (j/k), men, to go to "heck in a handbasket" haha,,, Ya!, you take the "time" "you" need...they "will" be fine!!!

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