Denimari's Journal

CAN'T WIN FOR LOOSING - Mood

Monday, July 14, 2008 | A Call For Help story

Many of you have known me for almost one year now. Those closest to me, know I have been forced to endure so many unnecessary stressfull situations, that I can only believe God has me in his hands - but here where I sit - is where I feel the most pain. My body can't handle any more stress, it's showing up everywhere - every day....the most God awful palpitations, sleep issues, the infection, the constant turn of the wheels in my mind trying to grasp so much, and find my way in this new life.

Why are people so "stupid?" The friends I'm staying with, invited me here to stay with them in May. I have cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, stay out of their way - and help them every day. I had the surgery, yet I still got up on my feet and moved - there has been an air of tension here for the past few weeks, but they create it - (the husband is umm, ill, in the head)

and I comply with all areas of their house. Now, they have decided after my contribution of $600.00 of food, and cooking for them - that they want me to leave - and soon.

I don't ask them for anything - just sleeping space, and a shower every day.

God if you're listening to me I have had more than my share and then some. I have always given to others, and have been shit on in return. This is too much for me God so I'm handing it to you - I have no job, still recovering from surgery, a bit of money coming this week from the security deposit on my condo - but that's it......if it's my destiny to be forgotten, and over looked for the good person I've been in life then fine - but do me a favor and take me to Shaun -

before my heart explodes and my head caves in.

What next? A homeless shelter for someone who was earning $20.00/hr last year?

Live in my car? What???? What do you want from me God - my dignity has been stripped,

my family members have died, my friends seem to disappear, and I want to run.......

or die........and get out of this perpetual nightmare I live.

Very, very depressed. Never have been down this low ever in my entire life.

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Comments

sweetie... if you lived closer.... I would love to have you stay with me.... i feel so sad for you, and wish, I could do something for you..

michellerobin
Oh honey, I'm so sorry!! I would also have you stay with me if you lived closer. I really wish there was something I could do to help. You are in my thoughts and my prayers!!! ~Randi

Randeye
I wish you lived closer to me, I would love to have you here. I wish there was more I could do. If the big guy is listening(he better be) then he will make this all right for you. Take Care of U...Walking with you, holding you up. Love and Hugs.

TracyW
Oh Deni...I am so sorry...I am at a loss. I have said how much I admire your perserverance...I guess you have more perservering to do. Never give up...I am glad you have given it over to God...I will be anxious to hear where he takes you. Love you...my friend...sending you strength to perservere....Karen

biowoman
I am so rsorry your having a hard time and on top of everthing eles.I dont understand why people do those things. your helping them .but god will look after you . hope the money you get will help you find something
Again I am sorry this is happening to you
love U Caroline

sunnyc
I am crying as I am reading your journal.I can never understand why some people are so cruel. You don't deserve this at all my friend (((Hugs)))Please keep your faith.God will watch over you and he will keep you safe! We never know what tomorrow will bring us.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.You are in my thoughts and in my prayers.I wish you would live closer to me and I would help you~Love,Maria

Love4you
I am crying as I am reading your journal.I can never understand why some people are so cruel. You don't deserve this at all my friend (((Hugs)))Please keep your faith.God will watch over you and he will keep you safe! We never know what tomorrow will bring us.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.You are in my thoughts and in my prayers.I wish you would live closer to me and I would help you~Love,Maria

Love4you
Deni..ask them for a little more time..You have to have a plan..I know God will show you something...Please don't give up!! All of us on this site want to at times, but we must keep trying...I am so sorry honey...just think about a plan I know you will come up with something..Please try..Lv, ya, glenda

Glenda
I haven't been on for a long time...a lot going on with me too - but I wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing...I'm so sorry...the last time I was on - you were excited because you got a new job and things were looking up. Who knows why things happen the way they do. I totally understand how you are feeling. I am homeless right now also. I am staying with my brother in law. i can only stay here another week or so. Some days I just want to run...and keep running until I just pass out or die. I often wonder...why does God keep me here? Sorry I'm not of much help...but please know I am thinking of you and praying for you! Love you!

JenDavidson
give me a smile Deni! praying for what the devil means for bad that God will turn it around for Good! thanks for sharing the encourging scriptures. God holds only one thing above His name & that is His word. 1Co. 10:13 says that we will not be given more than we can bear & that He will make an escape or a way out for us. we must remember that the frontline warriors are hit the hardest & are the strongest. praying for your physical, spiritual, emotional, & mental health. also for your new peaceful home & job, that far exceeds your imagination & using your God given gifts. Lord, as u take care of the birds in the air & the lilies in the field please take your loving arms & put Deni under your wings & take care of her. may u see with your spiritual eyes & not with your physical eyes of what is around u. God inhabits the praises of His people & thanking Him, God will keep blessing u. God has used u to share His word of encouragment to myself & others. God send Deni special friends who are from u & want to really help & not take advantage. may God give u supernatural strength, healings, blessings, & keep enlarging your territory to witness, & special favor. smiles, big bear hug, & Agape Love, Bess

Bess2
You could come to me any time. Just put your trust in God and surrender and he will deal with it all. Holding you tight. Love and hugs Cathy

RockstarsMom
Would they sit down with you, and try to figure out what the issues are? Or could you ask them if they could assist you in finding another place so you won't be out on the street! Do you have any relatives who might be willing to take you in until you could get back on your feet? I know homeless places seem drastic but maybe there is some help there to get you where you can find the help and support you need!
I am so sorry you are going thru these things hon! What about disability? IDK

frndsrgldn
no. number one, make sure your personal things are in storage (preferably professional storage not friends, if its with friends it will probably end up gone somehow and professional storage is always reliable but it is all different prices, and you won't need big space. five by five is sufficient to personal things unless you have furniture and there is no reason to drag furniture with you. living with a storage unit at all times is how diplomats live and it is a good way to go). are you a college graduate? if not, go apply to a county college and request federal grants and loans. they take everyone with a ged or hs diploma. you will need a street address. BUY ONE through a mail receiving service and have it put on your driver's license. diplomats and students are homeless on a regular basis and this is how they do it. when you are handed lemons you make lemonade. you may want to look into studying abroad during this mess. it would be paid for by student grants and loans. put all of your things into storage. finland i know has one of the cheapest programs out there. a peterson's guide to study abroad will provide ideas and so will your local community college international studies office. make a good time of being in a jam. i hear you can live in finland for $2000 for the year (usa governement will give you more than that) and finland has socialized medicine since it sounds like you are ill?) housing with families or the like is provided by the school and incorporated into your loan. work for CARE or something like that. get a new york times, there are ads constantly for people who speak english to teach english in korea or the like. they provide housing and they pay you a salary...(just making lemonade here). there is kibbutz's in israel, if you can get there, everyone works a farm and shares housing and food, all free for working the farm and think of the interesting experience! if travel isn't for you, there are a zillion live in jobs...and health care in general is DESPARATE FOR PEOPLE. any job involving travel pays well. truck driving school isn't expensive, route drivers too, delivering newspapers (many people do this on the side and just don't tell anyone but they always have this sense of security about them and always have cash and you wonder...some papers are only delivered once per week. there are so many ways)...i am so sorry you are panicked. i felt exactly like that two weeks ago.

79pounds