lak's Journal

Journal Entry for September 12, 2007 Mood

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Wow! where do I start. how did I get this way with gambling. Two years ago I was so discussed with my mom who was always browing money from me to cover her bills and now to day i am borrowing and saleing things to keep gambling. I go everyday and spend money I do not have. Tears run down my face daily and I don't know how to stop myself. I just need a quick fix which is never found. I'm at rock bottom with this problem in my life. How does smart people like myself get caught up with this kind of addition. Hoping that i can find a new life in other avenues. I'm not going to care money or atm cards in my wallet I hope this is a good way to stop.

Hug lak

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You have made the first step by admitting you have a problem and I think DS will be very helpful. All of us here have been, or are in the same place as you are. We all struggle with this addiction and draw strength from each other to overcome it. Becoming addicted to gambling did not happen overnight, and freeing yourself from it won't be quick and it won't happen overnight. You may be able to stop going to the casinos, but the urges are still there, and that is where all of us at DS can help. Read our journals, see where we started, and see how quickly we progress once we made the committment to take our lives back.
Tell yourself each day, I will not gamble today, or if need be each hour, do it whenever the urge hits, and slowly but surely you will be the one in control, not the gambling demons as we choose to call them.
I wish you well, and hope you log on often, come to us for the strength you need.

loosenomore
I agree with everything that Loosenomore said. You have to take whatever measures are necessary to keep the demons at bay. It isn't easy, it won't be easy and it is one hard ride on the road to recovery, but it is the best feeling in the world. There are still ups and downs, doesn't matter how much time has elapsed between our last bets and today, the urges still come and go, but we have a choice whether to act on them or not. Live one day at a time, 5 minutes at a time, whatever it takes to be GF. We are all here for you, and hope you keep coming back and logging in. Journal your feelings, doesn't matter what they are, how it comes out, or how it sounds, chances are, we've all had the same thoughts and feelings, and we'll be here for you, thru the good the bad and the ugly.
hugs and love
Danya

Makmarie
I believe i am smart and here! There is no rhyme or reason with this addiction. It just pulls you in. The Atm card in your wallet is a good start. Good luck for today and stay GF

Auzgurl
I started with cutting up my atm cards when I started to feel really scared that my gambling was controlling me. You do lose yourself so easily, escpecially when in front of those machines. It's like you are in the twilight-zone, and until you've depleted your accounts and have to leave, the world-real world you enter back into seems so depressing. That's how I use to feel a lot. It's the addiction that eats away at us...not the real world. I am by no means a fully recovered gambling addict, but I know how you are feeling right now. We all understand how you are feeling. I can not tell you what to do, how to do it, etc...All I can do is be a friend to you, one knows the torment and pain you are going through. I can share with you my own stories, and some things I have done that worked or didn't work. I am choosing to accept that I am a gambling addict, and can not gamble ever again. At first it sounded so ugly/so harsh-being a gambling addict. How can someone like me be such an evil thing? But we are not bad people..we are only human and it's okay to need /or ask for help . I can't gamble again. Not if I want my life back. And I truly want my life back again. It's a challenging thing to deal with each day, but we do have control in what we do. We just have to give it an effort to be strong and to take it one step at a time. Each day gamble free has truly been up-lifting for me. It makes me stronger each day and you too will see. You are here for a reason, you are crying for help, as I did, and still do...the support here is wonderful. You can do this, just one step at a time. It might take a lot of soul searching, or maybe even hitting rock-bottom for some, everyone is different. I'm here for you. Take care..Jackie

avellagirl23