panicbear's Journal

My husband and I don't have the typical relationship that most couples do what I mean is  we pretty much do our own thing we eat dinner together but it's in front of the T.V. and with my husband when the T.V. is on no one can talk because he too's involved in whatever he may be watching so talking is pointless.We don't like to sit next to each other at resturant if we go with a big group we often sit by other people. We don't go out together ever if we want to do something we usually take other people we try not to brother each other. We really aren't even the hand holding, kisses type. I actually went to the  Cider Mill Sunday with other people of course I found myself  missing  hand holding and kissing and just being with someone who wanted to be with you.But that is how my marriage is and that is that we love each other we're just distance but that's o.k.. With all that being said we are in the process of buying a house the mortgage is in his name we both had intresting credit and he took the time to fix his credit which was in worse shape than mine and said we would deal with mine later and than with his credit fixed he applied for a mortgage and got approved so the mortgage in his name only and so that means the house is in his name only as well my name can be added later. With that said I hadn't been reacting how I thought I would at the thought of buying a new house we found the house and I haven't been overly thrilled like I thought I would be. I chalked  it up  too so many things the stress of dealing with my grandparents, the fact my mom has made house buying a competion, or the fact that a new house means change which I'm not a big fan of, but no that isn't what it is it's the fact that the new house feels like it's my husband house and I just get go for a free ride I thought this should have been a joint couples things something we did together but it's not ture we're moving together but it doesn't feel like my house as a matter fact he had to sign the PA yesterday and make a downpayment I didn't go I had other things to do because I really am looking at this like this isn't my thing. I guess this feels no different to me than when I was a kid and parents bought new house. Of course my husband must feel a little guilty because anytime that I bring this up he gets mad at me. That's my scoop for the day.