MyLifeSux's Journal

Journal Entry for July 23, 2008 Mood

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I have been looking in to adoption and I don’t think I can do it all the people that have had children adopted said how much they wish they had not done it I could not live with knowing that someone is looking after my baby all ways thinking what they are doing and knowing Aaron had a little brother are sister he did not know when he found out he would hate me for it. It would feel the same as when I was in the nut house and Aaron was in foster and I hated that I was thinking if I get a job and sort my life out maybe I could afford to look after another baby well that is what I am going to have to do because I got myself in this shit and I need to get myself out and adoption and abortion are not for me. the lad is still telling me I have to have abortion but I told him last night that I am not having one and he was not happy about that but like I said 2 him it is not all my fold he need to understand it is him as well I know I was a dick head for going with him but I was on the pill and never thought this was going to happen and I never knew he was married and had kids.

Aaron is going fine getting so big it only feels like I had him yesterday lol he is 7 months old now he is the best baby ever he has the cutes smile ever he is sleeping much better at night now as well so that Is good

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aww wow that went fast didnt it... he is such a cutie too :) hell be walking and talking before you know it lol..
i think if anyone can do this then its you. you have got through so much and your such a good mum. i envy you for that lol i would kill for kids :)
i have never agreed with abortions or adoptions either so i think its great your gonna give this a go.. could you take the dad for child benefits to help out with the cost and upbring? good luck hun xxxxxxxxx

daddyslittlegirl90
I cant imagine having a child at 15. my mom did it at 17 she had a husband that beat her and ended up with 5 kids. she had a break down at some point with all the stuff she had going on in her life. I had my daughter at 20 and god that was hard. I didnt have a father for her. and now here I am at 41 now Im married and I have a husband who pays the bills but GOD I STRUGLED EVERYDAY. thinking if I could get this for my kid or that. knowing that my kid needed something and was unable to get it for her and things for my self I lived without. I lived without doing a lot of things others could do like take vacations. It took all the money I had to pay bills. I barely had money to get clothes for my kid for school. Then my own problems I m sure I have passed alot of those prolems on. My daughter sounds just like me. when I here her speek. I also still wonder whould I had put her up for adoption. I think yes and GOD I love her with all my being but you know I think a more stable home with people who went to college would have raised a person who also went to college and wouldnt have had kids at 18, and now when life ets hard cries and is very depressed about how hard life truelly is. Shes mad cause she feels she is not getting enough help. ( gee that sounds just like me. My daughter with my moms input or from my moms input thought I wouldnt or wasnt a good mother and at my daughters age of 14 was taken from the home by state people. I was very distraught.I got my son back thank GOD and ST Michael. But many days went by that I thought I would end it all. I still have night mares. anyway my daughter is 21 or will be sept 6 this year she has 2 kids. she lives with her boyfriend and lives paycheck to pay check. she wants to come live with me. oh yeah and she has given me mothers day cards that make me cry. does she really think I m that great???? I dont know she really hurt me. and maybe I really hurt her too. I will never know.

sadmom66
aww sadmom i came in to check on carla and read your comment. i had no idea you felt so bad about things hugsss for you.. btw i dont think your a bad mum at all coz a bad mum doesnt care and you obviously do :)
ive never had kids but i know bringing them up can be really hard but i know people who aren21 and have 3-4 kids.. one of them is my friends cousin.she has 3 young kids and she was going out with my brother who done everything with those kids, then she got pregnant and because things wernt right between them. she aborted his baby (my neice or nephew) just killed it off like trash. i hate people like that because she done it out of spite. i mean things cant be easy for her with 3 already but she done it coz she wanted to hurt him so it really wasnt right

daddyslittlegirl90
you have gone through so much in such a short period of time carla. i hope everything works out for you. many universities have programs for living on campus with children and childcare. if you have a degree and have a university as a home base life is so much easier and its good for children to be around colleges because they will know that they shall also go to college when they are 18 or 19 and that they need to start preparing for it much earlier...may god be with you. xx

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