MinnesotanMommy's Journal

Minor mood swings yesterday morning, but they subsided. My friend and I hooked up. I had to go into town to do some stuff, so I hooked up with her, then I went and got my hair cut and restyled to something new, and then I went and picked her up and she came over to my place to visit overnight. I have to go to town today for group and the chiropractor, so after that I'll go to her place again and we'll have lunch together and then we'll go to a scrapbooking store with her mom's giftcard to pick out some Valentine's stamps for her to make cards with (her mom asked if she'd do this and then she asked me to go along if I had time), so we'll do that, then we'll go back to her parent's apartment and we'll be making cards this afternoon. I really enjoy doing that! I enjoy my time with her, and have fun making cards. Her mom has so many supplies, its so fun to play with them all! Carl got the day off of work because they didn't have enough work for him to come in and do, which worked out for me cuz now I can stay in town and visit for a while, enjoy myself. Carl will be home to keep the wood stove going, so it works out well. So I'll be busy today! I don't mind that one bit. The scale is slooooooooowly moving back down to my low weight. I'm within about two pounds of my low weight now, so I can't complain. I didn't put it on over night, I won't lose it over night. I'm just doing my best to balance my diet relatively well and get some form of activity in. I've been up since 3:30. Couldn't sleep anymore. I'm not liking this pattern that's emerging. If it keeps up for another week, I'm talking to my nurse. But overall, things are well. I need to go motivate Ethan to get ready for school, well, the bus. Have a happy day!

Tanna's home! My kitty came home! Thank you SO much to everyone for supporting me and reassuring me that she'd come home! I appreciate each of you so much!!!!! Thank you!!!! I'm posting a new pic of her and Ethan in my photos. :)

Just haven't been up to writing or talking to much of anyone. My depression has been kinda high in the last few days. My kitty went missing between New Years Eve and New Years Day and I've not been able to fully recover since. I'm getting there, one step at a time. She was a part of our family. We are pretty sure she's gone for good, likely died from the cold outside.  Sometimes I'm okay, then something will set me off into a depression again. The last one that set me into a depression was the ASPCA commercial with all the battered animals are shown. I dunno why, but it made me sad before when I saw it, now it just intensifies and reminds me how my kitty has suffered since she got outside. I told Carl's mom that I am basically letting myself grieve now, and that way I can get through it now, and if she happens to show up at some point, all the better!!! And if she doesn't, then I've grieved. Carl wasn't going to let me have another cat after this being the second kitty I've lost now and me taking it so hard, but I told him I got 9 1/2 good, wonderful, happy months with Tanna and I find it more therapeutic and happy to have a cat and end up having to grieve the loss then to not have had them at all. He decided that when Mama Bud has more kittens, I can keep one. So I made a deal with Bud, that if she gets pregnant, I'll let her back outside. LOL...well, I won't until spring, so if she's not pregnant from sneaking out these few times, then I'll have to wait until spring for her to get pregnant. I didn't want her to get pregnant again, but she has the very best kitties of any cat I've ever had. Her kitties are always so sweet and loving and they're so easy to give away because they're always litter trained and raised around my son, so they're always ready for families. I think I'ma take out some sausage links for breakfast. Ethan loves them. I bought him some frozen waffles and all he could do is complain that they weren't chocolate chip waffles, they were plain. I told him that if he can't be happy that I bought him the waffles in the first place then I don't have to buy them again. He didn't say too much after that. But dang it, I forgot that he prefers chocolate chip waffles and the box of 24 plain waffles was cheaper then any other ones. So what I did to make him happier was to put the usual spread of PB on them, then I sprinkled some chocolate chips on them for him, and then put syrup over them. He was happy then. I have no clue how he can eat them that way, but he loves it. Carl's been so busy lately. Not any busier then normal I guess, really, but when I feel depressed it just feels like he's busier then normal. I know he's not any busier, it's just that I get more lonesome and demand more time and comfort. I need to not do that though. I just feel so sad sometimes, right now. I know it'll pass in time. I just have to go through the grieving process and let it come to pass. I've been getting into a devotional a dear friend of mine sent me. I'm so grateful to have friends as wonderful as her. The study is such a blessing! I confess to not doing it daily as I should. I let the depression railroad me over I do it for a day, skip a day, and repeat. I really need to work harder on doing it daily. I'll get most benefit from this study and devotional time if I do it daily and devote time to God each day. It's an important part of my serenity and peace. I'm lacking both right now, and some sanity even. I've been getting dangerously depressed and just trying to hang on sometimes. I really need to beat this. It's basically seasonal affective disorder kicking me down, then my kitty goes missing and it sorta just bowls me over all at once. I've been so blessed to have such wonderful friends sympathize with me and care for me, pray for me, think of me right now. It just means so much to me. I need to focus on being so grateful for what I do have. It's hard, but right now my mood is level, not good, but at least least level, so I need to focus on what change I can make and do my best. All I can do. I know I haven't been such a great friend to many people right now. Being depressed doesn't really justify me to be a poor friend either. I just can't seem to pull out of isolation...but I'll keep on trying my best. It's all I can do. I just want each of you to know how much I love each of you and how blessed I am to have each of you in my life! Thank you so much!