ASPIRE4GRACE's Journal

Journal Entry for December 27, 2007 Mood

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Well, I'm back from this "lovely" Christmas trip. Let me enlighten you to how fanstically it went!

We got to my grandmother's house late (because no way was I going to my "father's" house after his tirade). We left pretty late because I said I didn't want to go, but my husband said there was no way that he was going without me. He's not fond of ANYONE in my family but my mother, but even that wasn't going to get him to go without me. So I felt pretty guilty about ruining my kid's Christmas and messing up my mom's pretty bad as well. Finally, I agreed to go, but I didn't really want to be there at all.

We got to my GM's house, and my mom was almost done with the meal. It's always my job to make the gravy. That tradition was passed down to me, by my grandmother, so I made the gravy. (It was very good by the way, LOL!) I wondered where my aunt was and my mom said she had to go home for something but she was coming back. Well, when she DID finally get back, she didn't bother to come to the kitchen to see us, she just sat in the living room. I know my aunt, and that meant she was pissed about something. So we all went down to the living room to eat with my gm, and my aunt didn't even want a plate. I knew that something was about to hit, because she was acting like her regular 2 yr old self. She made a big deal about how she "brought that really big kennel over and put it togther". (The solution to the puppy problem was that we were going to stay at my gm's and keep the puppy in the kennel when we left the house and at night.) She brought it over, and put it together, but brought that biggest sized kennel there is. How big does she think a freakin' 8 week old puppy is anyway???? Then she gets mad at ME because she "had" to cart that "big" kennel????? I really hate her!

Someone put Lucy (the puppy) in the kennel while we were eating. I have no idea why, because she was just laying on the floor not bothering anyone. But because my aunt made such a nasty remark, my husband (gotta love him sometimes), went over and let Lucy out on purpose just to piss my aunt off, LOL! Makes me smile even now! She came back downstairs from doing something, and I looked at her and asked, "Who let Lucy out?" She gave me a nasty look and said, "Yeah, G let her out." Then she said to my mom, "I'm sorry, but I'm just too mad and I have to leave. I just can't be here!" Seriously, WTF?!?! This happens EVERYTIME I SEE HER!!!!! It always has to do with either me or something she THINKS my kids have done. I'm sorry, but she is BEYOND crazy!!!!! So she left, not a single look, not a word, and certainly not even a "goodbye". We never did figure out exactly what was going on, but something definitely was up her butt. She gave us like 3 different "reasons" for what her problem was, but all of them were BS.

Now, part of the kicker is that my mom, says that this "disagreement" between my father and I is both of our faults? WHAT? HOW AM I TO BLAME FOR THIS?????? They knew the DAY we got that puppy! They KNEW! They KNEW that we couldn't leave her unless their idiots (which could be). My mother says that yes, my father over reacted. OVER REACTED? Screaming at me thru her, thru the telephone, that he's not doing a damn thing to try to make the situation work because it's not his problem? When he's the one that's causing the problem!? Are you kidding me? But she says that I'm to blame because I didn't "remind" her that we had to bring the puppy? WTF!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Remind her? We talk about that puppy all the time? Who is she kidding? I am so fucking tired of being blamed for shit that isn't my fault! Then I got a lecture the next day about how I didn't have any right to be angry with either my aunt of my father, and that I need to forgive them and be nice, blah, blah, blah! That's why she's a nut case. Because that's what she does every day of her life is forgive my dad and let him act like a 3 yr. old having a tantrum in the store for everything he wants. I'm so sick of this crap from this family.

So to be honest, I didn't want to go to my parent's house the next day, and I sure as shit didn't have a desire to be around my aunt and my father at the same time. But my hubby really wanted me to go, so I did it for my kids. But we talked about it, and this is the last holiday that we'll ever go there. We have decided that Thanksgiving and Christmas will just be our own family holiday from now on. No more putting up with those mean a-holes anymore! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!! I'll miss my mom, but if she REALLY wants to come and see her grandkids, she'll tell my dad to shove it, and come anyway, which means she'll never come. I had a converstation with my SIL about my mom, and we both realize that my mom has pretty much lost her mind. My father has driven her crazy. She just walks around in a daze pretty much, and NEVER says anything against him. Even if he's yelling at her for getting something out of the fridge, she just takes the abuse. I think she's genuinely beaten down. She'll never recover, she's completely co-dependent on him. After 37 yrs. of that, I think anyone would be.

I did manage to make it for those few hours without losing it with my aunt or my dad. I hate them both, but managed to keep it all in, and put on a happy face and make it thru that morning. So glad I don't have to do that ever again!

I know that Christmas isn't about the presents, believe me I know that. But when it comes to kids, they just don't get that, yanno? My kids DO know the real reason for the season, but lets be real, they're still kids. My father just bought a $5000 HDTV system, with everything new; HDTV cable, HDTV DVD player, etc. Expensive system. But my kids got $5 gifts. It's truly sad. My aunt lives by herself, and has an income of over $5000/month. If you walk into her house, she has boxes and boxes and bags over every inch of the house, because she spends thousands every month on BS for herself. Completely crap that she doesn't have ANY use for! My teens, each got a $20 gift card to Kohl's from her. They are both soooooooo pissed at her. They both hate her so much anyway for the way she treats them, and me, that they were actually more mad about the fact that they had to SPEND money in order to get something at Kohl's with the card, because you can't get anything there for $20! It's impossible! My son, just traded his card for a $20 with his sister, because she was going to be spending the money anyway on a gift for her boyfriend. So at least it got used, but it's the point of it!!! And please don't say I'm materialistic and selfish, because it's not that at all, it's the principle of the thing. You don't know my aunt and trust me if you did, you'd agree with me.

So, the moral of the story is: you can pick your friends, but you can't pick you family...but you can pick them from your life if you so choose to...and I so choose!!!!!

P.S. I did have a long talk with my husband, over the course of two days. He knows that he's going to have to work on respect with me, because I've had as much as I can take. He realizes he can't mess around with this anymore. I told him that my plan had been to leave after the first of the year, and he was upset by that. So I think he's really starting to get it now. However, if he can't keep it up, I'll be leaving for a while. I'm going to get thru to this man that the way he disrespects me isn't going to be tolerated anymore. So at the moment, we're doing fine. We're being open and trying to work things out. He's trying to be more loving with me, so we'll see how long this lasts. I give it two weeks. That's his average. We'll see, LOL!

Hug ASPIR...

Send to a Friend

Comments

Wow you had a pretty intresting holiday i hope everything is better for you in the new year hun

yummycocopuffs
Christmas is for the kids mainly I spose, and if they had to witness mean people like your aunt and dad, then its not good for them, not good for them to see you upset either, doesn't matter how old they are. From reading your journal I would say you are doing the right thing by not going there again. It is so important to build happy memories for our families, I have realised this far too late.

Vonny01
I do hope and pray that there can be a change in him.
Really it's a good idea to remove yourself from the family situation as it looks like it has been causing you a lot of stress. A new year coming and hopefully a new start.

Hathani
Nice to see a smile on your face. You seem pretty upbeat:) On to New Year's!...

eros420
All families seem to have their problems. I personally, have become tired of being the peacemaker for all of them. Eough of that!!!!

I'm glad things are better between the two of you. Keep working hard, your marriage is worth saving.

((((HUGS))))

Honey46
I am sorry that your holiday was so stressful for you. But I am happy that you and your husband got time to talk and are working at making things better for you. Hugs to you dear

mynameisD
WOW! That was quite a two days you had there! Oh, how I can relate to you and the relationship you have with your family! I'm close with my Father (after a LOT of work) but I rarely talk with my Mother any more. She and your Father could be twins! She's a yeller, blamer, constant victim. I'm the bad, unemotional, ungiving daughter in her eyes and whenever I see her it's her MO to remind me of that. I stopped talking with her about 7 months ago. If she calls, I'm pleasant but I don't go into any detail with her...it's a very surface conversation at best. We've only had 2 conversations in that 7 months. Once on Thanksgiving and the other on Christmas. I have found my life to be so much more calm without her and a few other family members like her. No, you can't choose your family but you can certainly put up boundaries and limit the interaction. It's sad that we have to do that but in the long run it is what is best for you emotionally. I too am having hubby issues and we're about where you are...trying to work it all out while respecting each others feelings. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and rooting for you and whenever you want to vent about your family just let me know! We'll do it together! Peace to you my friend.

StaciMO
after reading about you mom and dad scares me that i will become like your mom I have been with my hubby 34 years and really never took crap from him till now as I get older either dont feel like argueing or just gave up because lifes to short and where will I go . Sorry you had the deal with aunt ive had those holiday get togethers also and decided not to share any more because of the grieve more enjoyable to stay home with your own family main thing anyway at christmas enjoying your own . I put up with a lot last night from hubby and wish I knew what to do dont want to end like your mom . Hope everything works out with your hubby it takes communication most of all and we dont talk like we used to good luck sandy

Sandrakg
What a crazy holiday you had. Don't you just love families. I know that I love mine somedays. Sorry that you had to go thru all that.

EileenG
Gosh...I just cught up with all that you have been going thru , I am so sorry this is happening to you , ...still. I lived with a verbally abusive man for 17 years and it is the worst..no one can see thr "boo-boo's" these men inflict. I have had some really crappy days with hubby being here and on this "short term ,temp lay-off" and he'll be here all this week too !! arghhh...and I had to face my scum sucking brother at Christmas and still have not seen my own kids..hubby doesn't like DIL so I have to make the hour drive by myself , hopefully this week I will get to see them.
You are welcome to come spend the 2008 holidays with me if you want...softest hugs..
Sandra

DixieRose
WOW, Girl! I would be hiding under my bed when the hoidays came if I had parents like that!

I'm just glad your hubby stuck up for you by letting the puppy out, I would have rolled with laughter! Why does every family have to have a mean old aunt?

You are probbaly better off doing holidays at home with your kids. They don't need that crap in their lives! and I'm happy to know your hubby is going to try and be respectful.
Tell him, you aint your Mom and won't tolerate that crap anymore! I'm with ya, sister!

Happy New Year, I hope better days are ahead for you and your family!

HUGS!
Laurie

SunshineLaurie
Hello Aspire, I've missed you a great deal on the discussion board, you always had such grounded "good" input.

Now, I see that tho you may be grounded, you too have your family upsets as I do, and lots of us do. I get panic attacks when I know that I am going to be spending time with extended family-especially since my parents passed away recently. Now it's my brother and sister, their families and my Mom's brothers and sisters -- too much. I too have chosen in my mind and in my heart, that I am just not going there next time around, which will be a family reunion this summer. Count me out, I'll find something better to do, thank you. Don't need that stress.

When I was the first grandchild born, I was put on a baby pedestal by my grandmother and a few others and was left there as I became an adult, now those that put me on the pedestal have passed on, the ones the remain behind, I have found are so jealous and want to hurt me with their comments. One uncle actually said "well, now you have no one to protect you" and my answer with a very daring look on my face was "and I do not need any one to protect me" which, I could have been a lot nastier than that since at age 12 he attempted to have sex with me as a 5 yr old little girl. What a Christian, huh? Not one that I need to be around, nope, over for me, praise the Lord. No more abusiveness for me, not from family, friends, or even people I meet here on DS.

One young lady tonight wrote me about her housecleaning site she wanted people to go to and I went and added that I might just try some of the tips given there. She wrote back tonight saying she did not believe I went there at all or I would know blah, blah, blah. Sorry sweetie, I have more pressing things to do than please you:)

I do miss you tho, Miss Grace, hope you can someday return to the board with your calming inspirations, when you are ready:) hugs to you!

Memawshewa