Hating life.
Fuck you life. Go screw yourself. Fucker.Mom:You are the biggest bitch ever, go die bitch.Fucking hate you, you little …
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If you have a problem with cursing, please do NOT read any further. I beg of you:
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I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS! I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!
I HATE MY FATHER AND I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL HE'S DEAD SO I CAN SPIT ON HIM AND LAUGH BECAUSE HE'S BURNING IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY WHERE HE BELONGS!!!! I HATE THAT MOTHER FUCKER!! I HATE THAT MOTHER FUCKER!!!!! I HATE THAT MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!
Now I'll tell you why I hate that son-of-a-bitch so much! He's a fucking worthless waste of space!
Most of you know that he sits on his ass and drinks beer all day long from 10 a.m. until he passes out everynight. He lives off of my mother's inheiritence (he just spent $7000 on an HDTV system--because he wanted it!) and my mother works FULL-TIME so he can do all of these worthless things! He completely fucked me up when I was a child. I was beat with a belt when I was bad. I was screamed at incessantly. I was NEVER told I love you. I was never given any attention unless it was to be screamed at or have something thrown at me. I watched my parents go at it all the time and my father act like the child he still is today at the age of 57!
We have a new puppy. She's 8 weeks old and she's just started to get potty training down. She can't be left for more than 45 mins. or so, or she'll have an accident. I called to finalize plans with my mother for Christmas today and tomorrow and was told that I could not bring the puppy with me to their house, because they raise bengal cats and their cats would go berzerk, if the puppy was there. Ok, fine, I get that. So, they want me to leave her in my aunt's backyard all day. She'll cry all day, because she's used to being with us 24/7 and I can't leave her alone in a strange place in a neighborhood where she could did out and get hit by a car or stolen. So I make a compromise. Let's do Christmas dinner and presents at my grandmother's house, so I can watch the dog and still be with the family. Before we can even start working out plans, my father is SCREAMING at my mother to me, that "No fucking way!!! We are not carting all of the dinner to my grandmother's. That dog is "their" problem, not mine!!!!"
Mind you, this has NOTHING to do with "carting" everything over to my GM's. This has to do with the fact that my father doesn't want to get his lazy ass up and leave his fucking house and precious fucking BEER! That's what it's really about! I didn't even get a chance to tell my mom that I'd be happy to cart all of the dinner myself before he's screaming all of this at my mom, i.e. ME!
That was it!!! I just lost it! I had to put up with his bullshit my entire childhood. I moved 2 hours away to get away from him and his abusive attitude. I told my mother that I was done with his shit! I loved her but I was absolutely DONE! I told her that I never want to see that mother fucker until he's dead and I can spit on him in his coffin! And I can dance and giggle because he's burning in hell!!!! I will NOT see that man again as long as I live. I played nice from the last time he did this shit, and I sucked it up and he turned around and did it all over again. He hates me and I hate him so what's the point.
Except now my mother's, grandmother's, aunt's and my KID'S ESPECIALLY Christmas is ruined. I mean, I already don't have one fucking gift for any of my kids, and now this! I hate this man so much for doing this to my kids it's unreal!
I asked my husband to just go ahead and take the kids to their house (not that I want them ANYWHERE NEAR THAT ASSHOLE) but that way they can still have Christmas with my mom, but he's just as much of a dickhead and refuses to go without me. So once again, it's MY FAULT that my dad is being an asshole! WTF!? I mean SERIOUSLY!!!!! Why is it ALWAYS my fault when he does this shit! If I have to see him, I'm going to totally fucking lose it and go off on him! I know it! I'm ready to rip his fucking eyes out and I want him dead! So why the fuck do I want to see him? Answer me that!
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO PAST needing his approval for anything! He's a piece of shit and I'm going to tell him so if I ever see him again, which if I have my way, I won't. I'm sorry this is so vulgar, but this man has ruined my life! Ruined me for men! Ruined me period! I hate him for it, and I hate him for the piece of shit that he is. He's the true definition of a waste of space.
Then on top of it, my husband refuses to take my side and help me out of this at all. I have to talk to SOMEONE and get this shit off my chest somehow, and he comes in and screams at me for "being on the fucking computer again!!!!!" I'm so sick of this shit! Can't he understand that if he isn't going to be there for me, then I have to talk to someone, even if it's just to my journal. I fucking HATE men!!!!!! Selfish bastards!!!!
Well, evidently I'm being FORCED to go! God dammit! "Have to do it for the kids" No one understand what this mother fucker did to me my entire life. They're forcing me to relive every fucking minute of it. I'm not telling them but once we get there, I'm not leaving my grandmother's house. I'm just staying there.
Evidently, my son got my mother to agree to take everything over to my grandmother's for Christmas dinner today. Tomorrow they "think" that I'm going over to my parents for opening presents, but if I can get out of it at all, I will. If I have to, I guess I'll show up for the hour of watching the kids open their presents, which of course they have SHIT for presents because ASSHOLE face had to spend that $7000 on an HDTV system, so my kids get DICK for presents this year. But I swear, this is the last time. I won't be there next year for thanksgiving or for Christmas. I don't give a shit what anyone says. I'll bust my ass to give my kids the best Christmas ever here at our house, but I'm not going over there again. This is the last fucking time I ever lay eyes on that asshole while he's alive!!!! If my mother wants to see my kids, she can tell her husband to shove it up his ass and come and see her grandkids without him (he never lets her leave and do anything except work so he has money for beer and cigarettes). I'm so done with this it's not even a fucking joke!!!!!
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No offence but your dad sounds like an arsehole. unfortunately some parents are jsut shit.
I really dont know what to suggest except refuse to go see them tomorrow and explain to your mum why. I hope everything works out ok for you and that you have a lovely day whatever happens xxx
redhairedminx
I wish I could be there to give you the support you need. I really had to hold my own anger in check. I thought I was reading my own life story except it was my mother who was the abuser. I wish I could talk to you in person because I truly DO understand your pain, anger and frustration. If you are truly doing this for your children, I would advise you to not make a scene with them around. Unfortunately you will be the one who will look like the ass, the children will only see their mother loosing it and you will give him all the power.
Hapless
I feel for you and what you are going through. I however decided years ago that I would never see my father again... and so be it. I Have not seen him for over 13 years. I DID however speak my mind and girk it was the best thing and the most liberating thing I EVER did in my whole existance. SO I highly recommend it, I am with you. Good luck!!1
45678
I really am appolled at your language and your attitude. You are a christian. Let me tell you something, No I don't need to tell you anything...You know what the bible says. Now as for your family...if you don't agree you simply don't go, its that simple. Don't let your family run your life. You say ok, I understand you point, here is mine, there fore I won't be coming over. end of subject and you don't let it upset you. YOU are LETTING them run your life. So go ahead get mad and do what they want you to do.
Dixe4me
My last comment probably made you mad at me. I guess I am mad with you because I know men like your dad, my dad was one too, abusive too. There is not a darn thing you can do that will ever change that but you don't have to let it ruin and affect your life like this. You don't deserve it. You are a better person. Stand up for yoursself and be the better person that we all know you are!!!
Dixe4me
Sorry. The whole thing sucks.
clutteryermind
The only person you can change is YOU. There is no way anything you say or do can change either your father or your husband. As far as your parents are concerned if you can talk to your mother (away from him) just quietly explain to her how you feel, that you will not be coming nor will the rest of the family - and I can understand you husband not wanting to go without you. Maybe it is a little late for this year but if that is what you want then now might be the time to make the stand and say enough, I'm done. But you need to look after you and your children, your family now. And as far as the computer is concerned - some men are challenged by the time we seem to spend on here. I know mine, nice as he is, has some problems with it at times, but as I keep telling him I am NOT spending any more time on the computer than I was before DS, I am just not playing games like I was for hours each day (not on the net ones I have loaded). But only you can decide what is right for you. Hope that you can make the right choice, the one that you truly want in your life. Hugs my friend....hugs
Hathani
I am so very sorry at what you are going through. It really made me angry because I was once married to a man like your father so I know what that kind of hate feels like. It's one of the worst feelings I've ever known. It just makes me so angry that anyone would hurt a child the way your father hurt you. And you were not protected either. Your instinct even through your anger was to allow your kids to enjoy Christmas even if it meant seeing that awful man. That shows was a deeply loving heart you have that you love your children so much you could think about them first over your own pain. I admire you for that. Not many people could do that. After this maybe you should refuse to see your father anymore. I just wish your mom could see you and your kids without needing her husbands permission. It's a truly sad situation. Believe me...you weren't just talking to a journal. Look how many of us were listening. (((((Hugs))))) Donna
DonnaFr
PS I'm glad you're taking good care of your new puppy too.
DonnaFr
Aww Man! You're Dad sounds like a real piece of work...my Grandfather was exactly the same way and I still hate him and he's been dead for nearly 21 years. I'm sending positive thoughts your way Honey. Be well and take special care of YOU!
StaciMO
Aspire my dear so sorry to hear. Brings back not so lovely childhood memories. You have every right to cuss and stomp I would reach thru and strangle him and hug you if it where possible. Love you sweetie
ithascometothis