sierrah's Journal

I am getting stronger....still achey but I am living day by day.

Moving my body more and trying not to let this pain control me...but it's not easy.

Today..was a better day.  Tomorrow will be 2 months that  TX ended.  I am very...very happy

about it.

HOWEVER..

Still feel the side effects...very tired...pain in my body....legs cramping at nite....no desire to do

much.  Still have problems with the thinking process.  Still sound like I'm drunk on the phone.

Hair still falling...not as much..so that's changing.  Anxiety for sure has improved...not as foggy either.  No more wall hugging...to prevent from falling.

I know it takes time...but a am a Social Butterfly and this Tx and after....is taking it's toll.

Today is 10/25

I feel today kind of sad,tired,lonely,anxious,and feel like I should be doing something with my life.  I know it's the med's but I am getting kind of tired of this stuff.  Anyway I am also thinking about the Ex and the phone message he left me after not hearing from him in 6 months. I am wondering why the change of heart...why he is apologizing soo much.  The old me would of returned his call immediatly....but now....he hurt me soo much...no compassion during the begining of my tx.  I suffered the depression  break up all summer ...that I even thought about suicide.  Now he is realizing how sorry he is...too late.  Everything is gone especially the trust which can't be replaced.  He bailed on me...when I needed him the most...even though I was the one that ended the relationship...then I wanted to take it back..I did the same last year and we brokeup for 10 minutes and we got back together.  But this time he wanted no part of it. He just took advantage of the situation and bailed out.  So NO I want no part of him no more just like he emailed me...he is NOT going to put himself in that situation anymore.  I have to think about me...I know I deserve better than him.  Heck now I realized that my Ex-husband was a good man and he never bailed out on me...when I needed him.