shesarebel's Journal

Thank You Very Much Mood

Tuesday, June 17, 2008 | A Painful story

Hi everyone, first of all i must thank everyone who tried to help me on Saturday night. I can't remember very much at all, but maybe thats a good thing, what i can tell you is i started on a box of frissium, then another(which i emptied), then i went on to keppra(which i got through two strips of), and i think i had some oxycarbezine(thats what i've been told was in my system when i got tossed into an ambulance after putting up a struggle). My G.P. now has me on meds to stop these feelings that i have, i hope they work.

We think between us that we have worked out why i've got into such a state, when my mum passed away 4 years ago i didn't really stop and take anytime for myself to grieve for her, i jumped straight into a new job and kept very busy. But just lately when i go to my dads, i find it very sad because he still has all her things, her clothes are still hanging in the wardrobe and her slippers are still in the corner, i find it very difficult to go into the house. Last week my dad asked me to hang something up in the wardrobe and seeing all her clothes was like a kick in the teeth, i suddenly thought oh my god she's not coming back, and Saturday im not sure what happened but i just wanted a hug from my mum, and believe it or not i got what i wanted....

I didn't want to let go, i held on so tight but she kept telling me i had to go, and i told her i wasn't going to leave her again....but either she won or the ER doctors did because im still here, but believe me given the choice i'd rather be with her, but it's not meant to be. So now i start again, i will go for counselling and try and become the happy go lucky person i once was, although to be honest i think that will take a long,long time. Again thank you to everyone who tried to help me, and thank you to the new friends that i have made.

Hugs to you all.....love ya xxx

Hug shesa...

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Comments

Im really glad you got to see your Mom, you know you'll have a very long time with her before you know it.
But I am very glad your still with us, and glad your working through what caused you to go there.
Youve got a lot of life to live, and dont let anyone tell you how you must feel throughout it, feel whatever works for you.

Gman63
Aw hugs hun. My mom has gone through things like that where she saw family in heaven and they scared her back to reality because it wasn't her time. I am glad you are still here hun and I hope the medicine starts helping soon! Hugs xoxo

heylee
Wow! there are not many people that can say they've got a visit such as yours mate! I'm happy you got to see her one last time. Alot of people try to ignore grief when something bad happens and it ends up catching them completely off guard. I think now you realise that you still need to grieve a bit more for your mother you can start to heal properly. Just remember your mum is with you all the times, after all you're her little girl and I for one believe that death does not stop that bond! I wish you the best of luck with your recovery!
Lee

leemp
Glad that things are looking up and you're getting the help you need. I know it can't be easy. We're here for you!

JEB2007
Thank god you are well. Gods love brought you to realize that your mom is in good hands. With god who cannot be. : ) Your mothers spirit has finally reached you telling you she is fine all is fine and when you see her again, she will be reaching out with open arms and a BIG HUG for her daughter. What a day that will be...Be happy until that day..Shes looking at you with a smile on her face. .Always here for ya.... love ya.. god bless you my sister....hxhxhx

danroy
Thank god you are well and with us, Its wonderfull you saw your mum, she is watching over you and one day you will join her in gods kindom. But not yet, you still have a life to live here. God bless you

seathesun