Journal Entry for September 26, 2008
September 26, 2008 11:27pm
Well, it certainly has been awhile. I seemed to have survived it all.
Things haven't changed, as far as my dad goes. He's hanging …
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Basket_Case’s Profile
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Basket_Case
is feeling Good
Peace at last....
About Me
I grew up in the Bronx. Moved to the burbs when my kids were born. Now that they're all grown & have kids of their own, I decided that I wanted peace & quiet, so I moved to the country. MAN, IS IT EVER QUIET & PEACEFUL!!!!! When I look out the window I see lions & tigers & bears. OMG!!! Guess there's still too much city girl left in me. I have been divorced longer than I was married. 20 yrs. compared to 10 yrs. I have dated a lot but haven't in about 2 yrs. because being the perfectionist that I am (but very far from perfect myself)I have an excuse to run away from the not too perfect guys. I have worked VERY hard on my "issues" but sometimes it still gets very dark in my head. When it happens the thoughts of not being good enough, or being worthless, not associating with anyone because I WILL say something stupid & so on & all the above, all comes back to me. I'm hoping to conquer that one day. I'm not getting any younger, here, ya know? It better happen soon...
Interests
I love music. Any kind of music. Yep, even rap. Just not too hard core. I love to dance. Anytime & anywhere. I enjoy spending time with my kids & grandkids. Especially now that I can send them to their own homes. LOL The rest of my family can go....well, you know. I love to cook except when I get home from work. I enjoy watching movies. Most, I guess except for the action adventure, shoot em up, bloody ones. Oh, & horror movies. They scare me to death. Still to this day. Didn't sleep for 6 mo. after seeing The Exorcist. I really like lazy Sun. morns. Ya know, staying in the comfy jammies till whenever & making a big breakfast. Not alone of course but..... My fav all time interest though, is burning some candles, putting on classical music, & taking a long, hot, bubble bath. That's pretty much it. As you can see, doesn't take much to make me happy. Hmmm... so how come I'm not!?!?!?
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Thinking of you.
Prayer
Hugs and prayers for you, your dad and family.
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Congrats
Congrats on the new appt! I hope you will have lots of beautiful memories to come in your new home!
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hello, i have one of those dad's too. and now my kids so too. he dont care about them tells them he is going to come get them but doent show up i have to watch them as thier hope for there dad(biological) breaks each time he lies to them. i keep telling them that thier dad loves them but somehow i dont think they believe me. but however my husband which they call thier real dad takes very good care of them and does things with them that thier (biological) dad should be doing like playin ball, going on walks, takes them to the zoo and things like that so i am luck to have such a wonderful husband that takes care of them. and yet i still feel sorry for them as their (biological) dad ignores them but its really better in the long run cause he is a drug addict and wouldnt be a good influence on them anyway!!!thank you for sharing i appreciated it very much
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Thanks hun I have started a new group for survivors i can throw you the link if you want, when you are ready x
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI've had depression, anxiety, & PTSD,for most of my life. I'm FINALLY on a medication that works, so I can get through my days without falling apart.
Treatments
- Celexa Not Working
- Made me sick to my stomach.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Considering
- I have done EVERYTHING possible to get myself to a better place. I'm so close but I still can't stop the "feelings" of worthlessness.
- Cymbalta Not Working
- Same as the Celexa.
- Effexor Working / Worked
- This has helped me a lot, so far. It calmed down my brain & I feel a little happier. It's making it easier to be able to put my life back in order.
- Electroconvulsive therapy Not Working
- I don't think so!!!!! Not on my brain!!!!
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- It's very hard to meditate when you have the racing thoughts that anxiety brings. Now that it seems to be controlled, I have started to do it again.
- Paxil Not Working
- Just left me feeling kinda "zoned out".
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- I have a good attitude & on the outside, I am a positive person. It just hasn't worked enough to help my hurting inner child.
- Prozac Not Working
- Same as the Paxil....
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Therapy has helped me a lot. It helped me to understand how my abuse affected who I was.
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- Don't get support from anyone other than DS.
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- It just do anything to help me. No side effects.
- Writing Working / Worked
- Helps me with my thought process as far as the good & bad things I'm doing or have done.
- Zoloft Not Working
- Although I was told it wasn't a side effect, I had a lot of trouble with my eyesight. Even after adjustments were made. Problem went away once I stopped taking it.
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
Growing up, I was physically, emotionally, & sexually abused. It has taken so incredibly long to work through most of the issues I found within myself. My mom physically & verbally abused me. My dad emotionally abused me. "Friends" of the family & certain family members sexually abused me. It all started when I was about 9. That's about as far back as I can remember. There's also a lot of things that, apparently I blocked out because I keep getting flashbacks every once in awhile.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Working / Worked
- Divorce Working / Worked
- Best decision I ever made.
- Forgiveness Not Working
- The only person I forgave is myself. For thinking it was my fault. I'm not angry with the "others" but I'm sorry...I will not forgive them.
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- All the groups I got involved with helped me more than anything.
- Leave Working / Worked
- I have finally reached the point where I will never be abused again. Couldn't have accomplished that if I stayed.
- Music Working / Worked
- There's nothing I enjoy more than my tunes.....
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
Open Sexual Abuse
Treatments
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- Music Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
- \"The Courage To Heal\" Working / Worked
Open Diabetes Type 2
I was diagnosed with this about 20+ yrs. ago. I started to lose the feelings in my feet & was getting bad pains in my legs. I ended up pretty sick & ended up on insulin injections. I was 250 lbs. I lost 100 lbs. & that was 10 yrs. ago. I felt better, had more energy, got the feelings back in my feet & no more pain in my legs.
Treatments
- Altace Working / Worked
- I'm told it helps the insulin work better.
- Dietary Modification Working / Worked
- Eating Healthier Foods Working / Worked
- Lantus Working / Worked
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
Open Anxiety
My anxiety got so bad I couldn't leave the house. That's better BUT my PTSD kicks in when I do leave. No panic attacks but I feel small & useless by the time I get home. I hate it....
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