Module One update
Still plodding, have made a start on my written assignment. Yay!
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Well its rapidly approaching the year when i found out about him- aug13th to be exact. It started at the beginning of june 07- I am refusing any sexual contact with him at all between these dates as i feel he had a summer of- sex last year and im not letting him have that this year- he doesnt deserve it. We are plodding along but still feel it would have been the easier option to divorce as i wouldnt have to live with the mistrust or the lies and deception anymore. I think if id have been younger he wouldnt have seen me for dust. So her i am 53yrs old and finding out i have not had a special relationship- i was a fool to think we were invinsible- he was my lover -my friend and everything i ever wanted- but not anymore- i still love him but not like i did- its like living with a stranger. He is so sorry but knows it will never be forgot so why doesnt he just go- because hes a coward for cheating and now a coward for staying. He wants everything to be as it was- so if it was so good as he describes why did he cheat? Because he is selfish and wanted his cake and eat it- i wasnt suppose to find out he was having a fling with the village bike was i- i am just the thick old wifey. I never knew i was so clever on the computer- i was like a soul possessed breaking into his cell phone accounts ect and uncovering it all. It lasted 8 weeks- 2 of them she was on holiday so i guess it was 6 weeks of sex and 2 weeks of texts- i dont think it had run its course it only stopped because i found out. Now our life has changed so much- he calls and checks in to let me know where he is and i check his e-mails- phone bills ect- what a way to live- why did he spoil it and then want it all back.
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Nor i could have written this journal entry but my H affair lasted longer i feel the same if it was so good why do it in the first place,but there men and idiots if you started again there would be no guarantee, you admitt you still love him and he is trying dont you think they would have an easier life too though if they had walked away so they must love us to stay
nades
They love us, but just not enough.
needhelp62
Norreen, at least you followed your instincts and followed up & found out. I beat myself up thinking if i had only followed my instincts then i would have found out about all the phone calls & the lunch & therefore would not have believed him when he said it was a guy wkend when it actually was his wkend with her. But i kept coming back to...."I trusted my husband"....and shouldn't have. Will follow my instincts from now on & will question every thing that is different or out of character this time. He swears it won't happen again, but don't believe him. He's on a VERY short leash. No way to live life with the daily worries, but only option. Esp. since I love him & I'm keeping my family together for our kids. He too says he never stopped loving me, but that bull considering what he did. Says he wants me and family so he will have to continue the daily "checking in" with me. If i feel something is out of wack, I ask him and will also get proof. Hanging in there and "Enduring" day-to-day. Take care.
Enduring