parothead's Journal

the day from hell Mood

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

today as DH walked in the door with his 2 children (b/g twins 10 yrs old) for our mid week visitation day. the girl was beaming from ear to ear and said "daddy has something to tell you" he said " just go play and i will tell her. so there he stands grinning ear to ear and says "you aren't going to believe this, my ex-wife is 13 weeks pregnant!" I said "oh thanks i need that news today, i am already haveing a xanex day" (i started today after being ten days late) he didn't seen to have any clue as to the impact it was going to have on me. he "said i thought you would be shocked like i am" shocked was a way understatement. I had my son and his fiance over sitting at the table eating. I went upstairs so they wouldn't see me so upset and had a full blown meltdowm. about a year ago i had heard too many times DH say "oh poor heather, she has such a hard time getting pregnant because of polycyctic ovaries" that i finally looked at him and said "don't ever say that to me again, has she had all these shots? taken all these pills? US? BW? " this woman is liveing with a man still married to a woman that was deported back to mexico for welfare fraud 4 yrs ago that she dumped my husband for that wont keep a job, thier main source of income is DH child support. so now along with struggleing with life with the 2 children that are daily reminders that my husband has children with someone else I will be getting daily updates on this pregnancy and haveing the fact that i am a complete failure at giveing him a child of ours slap me in the face every single day. I just don't know how i am going to to forward from this, i have hit a brick wall. I am so upset over the whole fact and even more upset with his terrible timeing of telling me about it. he just didn't seem to get why i was so upset last night. i really opened alot of old wounds and brought all the hurt of the past failures back. right now i just feel like packing up all of the baby stuff i have and giveing them to her and quitting, i can't live the rest of my life this hurt.

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Comments

I'm sorry :( That does really freaking suck.

I have PCOS too, and I hate her!

Jakeswife
I am so sorry, he should have more understading to your feelings.

austch
I'm so sorry about your situation...it can be very hard when your husband doesn't completely understand...sometimes mine can be so clueless. Take care of yourself and do what you feel will make you feel better.

theletter12
sorry you have to go throught this I hope things will get better soon ((((((((((((hugs ))))))))))))))))

daisykfy79
Im so sorry Mary. That really isn't cool. Sometimes people just dont get it. YOu have every right to fell the way you do, I would feel the same. Hang in there hunny. Dont you dare give up. XOXO

Ourgreatestwish
Mary I am sooooo sorry you are feeling this way, I think sometimes men just don't think before opening their mouths. Trust me I had that type of situation with my DH's niece, he knew we were going through some tuff moments with a recent BFN and he would sit and say to me every little thing the baby was doing and call her and talk with the baby in my face for hours with a big smile. I swear sometimes they think it does not hurt but it does and I know we are not jealous women, But literally we are just HURT and we have open wounds that have not healed yet! God bless you and please keep going, you'll have your day to give an annoucement...:)

phoebi
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Please know that you are not a failure in any way for not being able to "give your DH a child". You are a strong, wonderful woman that has amazing qualities...fertility does not define who you are. I hope you start to feel better soon and a little xanax never hurt anyone :)
Please know I am always here if you need to talk, Ill be thinking about you.

bcgradgirl
IM so sorry you are going through all of this.. please dont give up because of it though.. you are a strong woman...hang in there hun

Jesssa
Oh honey I'm so sorry. I really am. That sucks royally. It's not fair.

BeyBey
I am so sorry. I wish the timing had been better, although I think it would of hurt at any time. I pray you find some peace with all of this. You are in my thoughts and prayers always! {{{HUG}}}

Lioness816
OMG, he really doesn't seem to get it. I am so sorry.

PDL
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am here for you.

JeannieW