Rivetti's Journal

It's amazing how much wanting someone you can't have can be the hardest, most heart breaking feeling in the world.

Even more so, when you're so close to it. You can taste it, touch it, but it's not yours.

I'm really, really hoping to start a diet this week.

It's going to be hard.

But I really want my life back.

Maybe then I'll be able to make him mine.

I've had nights, at least two, where I was moments away from cutting my wrists, going to sleep and letting the blood flow out; waiting til the morning to see what happens.

The only reason I didn't was because a combination of tears and sleeping tablets put me out for the night before I could do anything.

It's been scary.

I've also had some of the most amazing nights with him...but each night makes it worse without him.

I wish I knew.

I wish I was slim so I could be confident in myself again.

I wish I had my life back.

it's alot to lose.

But I'm sure I can do it this time.

If not then I will end things.

Because If I can't even manage to get my body in order, how on earth can I be expected to get my life in order?

Nothing is Impossible...but sometimes you just don't have the strength to carry on anymore.

I nearly love him.

But if he doesn't love me back...then it's not enough to keep me here.

Day one. We'll see.x.