Journal Entry for August 17, 2008
August 17, 2008 12:52pm
god im so stupid...
I dont know what I was thinking...
and now im so pissed at myself...
I cant believe I did this to myself...
Now im hurt again and I …
Layla12’s Profile
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About Me
29, going through a divorce and living back at home with my dad and alcoholic mother who is also chronically ill and Ive helped take care of since i was 14. I try to stay positve, but with so many bad things that have happened to me, its hard to focus on the good at times. I hate my job, and cant wait to get my own car so I can get a better job and get out of my parents house and try to start things over again.
Interests
I love animals, especially my cats. They have been my best friends through alot of rough times. I love penguins hockey, steelers football and FAST cars. I love to swear, and spend time with my friends
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Recent Activity
Sunday
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Layla12 gave rfuller21 a Hug 8:36pm
thank you…
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Layla12 wrote a journal entry: Journal Entry for August 17, 2008 12:52pm
god im so stupid...I dont know what I was thinking...and now im so pissed at myself...I cant believe…
Thursday
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Layla12 wrote a journal entry: Journal Entry for August 14, 2008 4:50pm
Sssssooooo.... yeah no car --ing paper hasnt shown up.... it could be days..... what the --....…
August 13
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Layla12 wrote a journal entry: Journal Entry for August 13, 2008 6:39pm
well the judge signed the paper, so we should have a car tomorrow. Every time something actually turns…
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Layla12 changed their mood to Horrible 6:39pm
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Journal
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Journal Entry for August 14, 2008
August 14, 2008 4:50pm
Sssssooooo.... yeah
no car
fucking paper hasnt shown up....
it could be days.....
what the …
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Journal Entry for August 13, 2008
August 13, 2008 6:39pm
well the judge signed the paper, so we should have a car tomorrow. Every time something actually turns out after a whole bunch of screw ups …
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Journal Entry for August 11, 2008
August 11, 2008 4:02pm
well hopefully my parents will get a new car on thurs. If the judge doesnt sign the document, I dont know what we are going to do. Im …
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Journal Entry for August 8, 2008
August 8, 2008 3:03pm
well i think im done with the memories for the time being...
Im exhausted, my entire body hurts from stress, and fighting in my nightmares...
which …
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Hugbook
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Hug
Hang in there lady. I know sometimes life sucks pretty bad, but the world would not be a better place without you. I am sure your friend will understand.
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Hug
just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.
Hug
Smiling is infectious You catch it like the flu When someone smiled at me today I started smiling too I walked around the corner And someone saw me grin When he smiled I realised I had passed it on to him I thought about the smile And then realised its worth A single smile like mine Could travel round the earth So if you feel a smile begin Don't leave it undetected Lets start an epidemic And get the world infected.
Hug
hang in there and be strong...let me know how it goes, I'll be thinking about you.
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Hug
A hug to let you know, I'm here when you need me..
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Alopecia Areata
I have had alopecia now since my junior year in highschool. It can be very difficult getting people to understand and accept. Its hard having hair sometimes, then having bald patches that need covered up. It makes me very paranoid when there is any wind, and takes the fun out of swimming. A drop of rain can completly ruin a carefully covered spot, and amusement park rides are out of the question if you dont want your hair blown all over.
Close Rape
I was date raped about 9 years ago, never told anyone. A little more than a year later I got drunk at a party, and it happened again. then about 7 months ago my husband got high and raped me, then did it again the night before I left him.
Treatments
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
- I have a very hard time opening up and talking, but when i can bring myself to share something, it does seem to help make it easier to process
Open Breakups & Divorce
My 2 year wedding anniversary would be coming up. We didnt even make it to a year. After a month of marriage he was busted for possession of drugs in the car and I almost left him. I tried everything I could to be understanding and to try and help him, but he kept pushing me away and hurting me emotionally and mentally. After he got violent on our 1 year anniversary I relized he wasnt the same person I fell in love with and left 2 weeks later.
Treatments
- Forgiveness Not Working
- He just went out and did it again
- Love Not Working
- He says noone should love him and that he doesnt understand why I do
- Pets Not Working
- He loved my cats when we got together, but by the time i left they were scared of him
- Time Not Working
- I went away to my parents, he worked opposite shifts from me, but no matter what i did he just pulled away. If I called him 4 hours after he was supposed to be home I was smothering him. If I didnt call I didnt care, why should he. There was no way to win.
Open Self-Injury
I have been cutting and self harming for about 3 years now. I try not to, and can go several months without doing anything, but then something always seems to come along and trigger me to the point that it seems the only way to let anything out.
Treatments
- Rubber Bands Somewhat Helpful
- Tends to keep my mind preoccupied at work and places I cant hide away and hurt myself
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
- I am really bad about opening u and talking about anything that is bothering me, so Im not sure how well this is working
- Tattoos Working / Worked
- I have found some ease in my wanting to self harm after Ive gotten a tattoo or piercing. It seems like the proffesional "hurt" is enough to replace my wanting to harm myself.
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Groups
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Snapshot
Recently …
- 1 hug given
- 2 hugs received
- 3 journal posts
